If you read my writing too often you’ll probably get sick of it.. This is probably far from enough revising for publishing yet.. Well.. I don’t know..
However, I try to remember that.. Just like toxic food and toxic entertainment, People have to take my presence in proper doses, Too much of me may be harmful for anybody, Even those diagnosed with “autism” like me, But please, please try not to use my struggles against me, For me,
You see, Those who struggle to pay attention give others a very valid reason to not like them, And those who have immense “problems”, Don’t prefer to be around others with “problems”, Especially if the “problems” are the same, Since.. Who wants more of the same problems!? No one wants more problems, Since the word is “problems”,
Maybe I’ll be homelessly, “mentally ill-ly” dancing on a NYC street one day.. ? While others pass me by and think, “UHH!! I hope I NEVER become like that guy!!!” Or.. “He ain’t really homeless”, Or say to their children.. “You see son, there’s a crazy side in all of us”.. (Well maybe not that but any economically self-sustaining individual (parent or not) that’s passing may likely see something in themselves manifesting in me that they don’t want to be around especially so they don’t become like me..) Or parents might be like.. “Do NOT let go of my hand.” Or if their children are old enough to understand they might say.. “That’s his medication side effects.”And maybe the side effects will make me burst into tears.. Forcibly balancing emotion one way may make it swing back another way with similar force that I’ll struggle controlling due to my various circumstances.. Of course my sleep deprived/medication affected emotion will still change day by day.. or second by second.. (to more presently regard it..)
Welp.. Although life on earth for most of the population of beings with feelings has seemingly improved, Life sure can still be a brutally unfair game.. And winning enough for ourselves and ethically winning for others is a differently challenging emotional/moral level to arrive at.. For myself at least..
As for backing up my claims about “autism”.. At age five, To be honest, I never read a book about it, Since, I’ve been diagnosed with it, So.. Revising the book or whatever I wrote about it, Would be the book I read about autism,
I already did that although most of it I’ve not yet made public.. I really hope it doesn’t get destroyed by hackers.. but as for those in need of money, Maybe they’ll realize my writing won’t sell anyway.. If hackers were to hack.. (Obviously there’s the fear of WordPress hackers changing what I said in the poem..)
I also fear that a friend who now hates me for standing up to them for myself does NOT try to hack or hire anyone to hack to delete all my writing.. If that were to happen, Clearly staying peaceful would be very challenging..
I also really must proceed safely about what I make public, Since I don’t know how others will react to it, I don’t need more bullshit, I really don’t need more of that.. It’s hard for me.. As I look to be more self-sustaining.. To find a welcoming empathic environment, in which my present and long term needs will be met.. I’m still going, Even in moments of feeling upset.. I haven’t lost my present life’s freedom yet..
As for doses, I need to be considerate, For my own and others safety, Since our decisions affect ourselves and everybody since we’re an interdependent world family, Truthfully according to me,
I believe, All sentient beingness, Inevitably coexist, I guess it’s common sense, ? If you pay attention to life experience, You may feel evidence, Of sentient interdependence..
As for me, The amount of doses I take in, Seem to impact, My present state, Of consciousness, Which impacts my wellness and those around me.. Although this may be obvious, I need to remind myself to be aware of this.. To avoid bullshit, In a world of bullshit, And since I’m an idiot, With a “deformed head”, As one of many cyberbullies attacking me in a YouTube comment thread constantly said last June and July, after I confronted about making a joke about autism by asking him “do you have it”, But as for consideration of others most people can’t stand it.. I may be more in danger of it, And as for whatever feels bad now, Maybe it’ll get better soon..
Hopefully that user never finds my blog if they saved my YouTube URL after finding my channel outside the livestream thread which includes a link to this blog in the about “section”.. I still have the option to approve comments from a gmail notification..
Man.. I hope to find more peaceful locations.. For me and everyone.. And as for compassion I wish that other person well, But those people are only welcome if they are respectful and if their jokes about me and anyone are not harmful..
But if I were to ever get a lot of comments.. That’ll become more out of my control.. But I can have self-control, No matter at what level people treat me in ways that are disrespectful..
Or to rephrase that without needing to rhyme at the end syllable.. Well.. No matter how mean people are to me externally, No matter how much pain they cause me, I can still practice feeling better internally.. At least hopefully..
And yes, Those ending line rhyming syllables in that last stanza just happened to flow through me generously.. Just thought I’d acknowledge that in case anyone were to arrogantly call me arrogant..
Thanks for reading that dose of my writing.. As for the present world average of reading people do, I don’t know how big or small or average that was..?
I can revise more, have my senses pick up on more even based on what I remember.. But we can always be more aware for self, others, and.. EVERY ENERGY MANIFESTATION IN WHATEVER DEGREE OF SOLID AND SPACE..
Thanks for continuing reading.
Thank you for taking the time.
And of course, Thanks to the person who worked to create WordPress AND those who WORK to keep WordPress and the internet going.. May the energy of critics nitpicking be mentally, physically and emotionally helpful..
I must’ve forgot to say or didn’t feel a need to say a lot, but I think I included a lot.. could be better.. well..
And I guess awareness must be taken in doses, so it doesn’t overtake your behavior, causes others to get too scared and block too much of it out of you, Although I’m referring to something, I hope what I said is suitable and helpful to whatever you may be experiencing..
Haha, I wouldn’t want to assume myself and “start something”..
And I guess awareness must be taken in doses, so it doesn’t overtake your behavior, causing others get too scared and block too much of it out of you, Although I’m referring to something, I hope what I said is suitable and helpful to whatever you may be experiencing..
Well.. I think it’s my right to not get forced to much medication, I believe in living free, and not getting zombified or dying too hard, (Reference: Incase I don’t get obsessively accused of plagiarism I’m referring to the common saying “live free or die hard”)
Many thanks 🙏