Conspicuous Weakness

I was NOT saying you were saying anything, I was NOT accusing you of any wrong-doing, I was NOT trying to increase your inner suffering, Please stop assuming, It’s what I’m trying to stop too,

You can’t truly judge someone by their first impression, Impression and intimate connection are infinite, However, Since I have autism, I’m sure the new guys will become more liked than me,

Since I was labeled with paying attention struggles, That STILL makes paying attention an even bigger struggle, I wish I felt more socially capable but my label STILL makes confidence a daily struggle.. aside from the truth.. And as for learning services and student categorization and organization purposes, maybe this label didn’t need to be as emphasized to me.. It just feels like a stain that inwardly traps me permanently..

Unfortunately, As a result, Those who get to know me, Will see how easy of a target I can be if they want to take their anger out on me.. to feel more secure about themselves obviously, I keep talking about this since it keeps happening to me,

It’s the same struggles in the same and new forms, It’s the same struggles with the same and new places and people, Just because someone can think intelligently and understand profoundly does NOT guarantee they’ll always ACT rationally, They’ll find ways of using my struggles against me once they’re tempted with the opportunity,

I’ll try to hide, Although to them, My weaknesses will become conspicuous, Once they get sucked into impulsive energy, They’ll seize that opportunity to use their non-labeled awareness against me, Then hope that life “will get better” will once again comfort me, Even if positive experience is not likely for the life I’m in currently, I can grow inner strength by accepting an environment of bullies that I may become economically or legally or institutionally trapped in, It’s like I discussed in my last poem about finding peace within..

Yes.. I have lots of blessings, But that’s only part of my story, You can’t fully know me, No matter how much you learn about me, No matter how much time you spend around me,

Same with you, The extent I know you, Is never all of you.. And therefore we can learn infinitely more about our personal selves..

And.. We can’t fully judge anyone based on their label, Which is easier said than remembered..

I’m just observing inner and external feeling, What I discern as rational and irrational depends on my perceiving.. I just want more better vibes, But I have to start, Inside,

I can let my irrationality be, I can detach from my ego that’s always in seeking mode,

As my ego always looks and never settles, I can check in, detach from my ego, I can refrain from toxically giving in, while letting settle, Starting from a feeling within,

I also realized I ended my last poem with “within”, Thanks to a friend’s suggestion, But it just often seems to come down to what’s going on.. as we know.. As we untangle and discover.. Within