I can’t stand how those who fucked me up just took off, I can’t stand how I’m supposed to be loving and forgiving of those who don’t ask cuz they don’t care, I can’t stand how years being judged, made fun of and excluded has worsened my anxiety and insecurity so bad that to validate myself my obsessive behavior has prevented me from taking steps and getting courage for getting out of this manchild phase I’m in at 26..
I care that they have no fucking care for what they did to me, All those fucking times they’ve used their non-learning disabled social, emotional and intellectual awareness against me..
My heart aches with hate, I don’t have confidence to move forward while carrying all this out of control emotional obsessive compulsive darkness, I’m trying to just “not give a fuck”, I’m trying to just be present and let pass all the inevitable cruelness.. that’s filled me and will still be given to me,
Instead of ignoring it, I unconsciously and therefore unintentionally absorb it, and it’s taking over my consciousness, making my impulses hateful, judgmental and evil,
I need company getting through this, There’s no need to analyze this..
I just need assistance in and feeling on the same page in this multiverse of consciousness, I want to sustain awareness of the goodness that’s in all of us and not be blinded my evilness,
So therefore, as (I might’ve said before) my innate tendency, support and experience create how I chose to respond to pain and adversity..
In my belief there’s obviously accountability for ours and others’ wellness and safety, But in my belief, I didn’t choose my ability to choose and decide how I work and build myself up..
If you want my help and vice versa, I hope we let go of closed-minded beliefs, but respond to our experience of being there, and do whatever we openly feel and discover as right..
To make it through the bullshit, And prepare for more of it, So we’ll know how to deal with it..
If you’ve read this, Thanks for the attention towards me, I’m a social creature who feels, especially now, that he needed it
As for those who want to judge me because they feel like a victim and want to “power trip” at me.. because they can’t relate, because they selfishly don’t have motivation to change, because they’re in their comfort zone, well.. all these judgments and bad feelings I’m responding with, is how I’m responding, as a result of how I reacted and responded to my experiencing, such as to all the bullying,
Some people have it easier, Sometimes their unconsciousness uses the word “choice” to blame others for their situation, I have a choice, but not how I choose, and not how I respond to a situation, My awareness and conscious inside me I did not choose nor did I choose the support and paths provided to me, and when they were provided, I chose or decided to my best conscious degree, that I was born with, which I did not choose, so don’t judge me,
And if you had it easier and mistreated me, I’d like an apology,
And I apologize for the bad words and judgmental energy, but it’s a part of me I’ve unconsciously cultivated in this society, and when the pain builds too much, it sometimes comes out unconsciously and uncontrollably, But it’s getting better, I’m taking it slower, It’s gradually becoming clearer