Hating what I Fear

I hate what causes me fear,
Because fear is painful,
Fear prevents me from seeing clear,

For me,
Fear is another emotion that can get out of control,

Fear causes me to irrationally react to block out the pain it gives me,
But if I do that..
I still won’t see clearly..

Too often,
I feel too alone in my efforts to better myself rationally,
In order to experience more of my present capability,

Fear among other emotional intensity may inhibit my ability to see adequately consciously and rationally for the betterment I have to offer for myself and my community..

Fear of being a “loser”,
Fear of being too “imperfect”,
May make me more susceptible to irrational obsessive compulsive behavior to block out the fear?
Hence,
The unconscious insecure fear,
Is therefore navigating my behavior,

And one trigger of fear is my innate learning and emotional vulnerability,
That was exacerbated by bullies who did harm to me,
Possibly out of similar unconscious fears of themself being the “world’s biggest loser”,
So they unconsciously reacted to that fear by trying to have power over me,
By being brutal towards me,
Out of their brutal fear of being “less than someone as autistic as me”..

And they did this unconsciously,
Since that’s all they knew as an attempt to block out their pain and fear..
By trying to feel better about themselves by brutally blocking out their insecurity and fear that arose in them while in the presence of me due to how they unconsciously reacted to my emotional and learning challenged energy..

The less we put into practice what we know will help us,
The more likely we’ll suffer,
Speaking for myself especially,
But this just makes sense to me..?

Aside from my belief in unconditional respect since not respecting someone may not teach them anything but just exacerbate their suffering..
However I still remember that I try my hardest to give everyone the respect they deserve,
Even if they don’t reciprocate with the same level of effort,

If those who have power over me,
Or..
If those who control me,
Can’t adequately control themselves,

I must not only attain but sustain rational awareness to remember and utilize me rights and freedom,

To protect myself,
To help myself,
So I can be more equipped,
To help,
All else

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