Always More

Since I could not find where I stored this in which poetry document,
I decided to retype it..
If I find the original,
And if that is a better version,
I’ll cut this version out and paste that version instead..
If and only if it is better..

Okay so,

The bullying I talk about is just the tip of the iceberg,
Or the tip of the tip of the iceberg.. etc, etc..
As for number of instances and for how it occurred in me,

I can’t promise to cover more than, if even close to half,
There’s always more disrespect I’ll encounter to different extents on any life path,

Today is another day,
I just arrived home from work and more disrespect as I expect came my way,

For awhile I was waiting at a stop sign, waiting to make a left at a three way intersection,

I get an opening,
Then a guy comes down speeding,
He then flings up his hands in the air without any heart or care,

While I make the turn,
I lower the window then inarticulately try to tell him that “I’ve been waiting and had an opening”, and of course he was impatiently, speeding.. To make a left..

I don’t know his history..

My ego is glad he seemed scared of me after I lowered my window and yelled profusely..
He looked away and gave the finger timidly..
Before he turned left..
Well.. he probably wasn’t scared.. And luckily I really don’t care luckily,
So I don’t go around risking my life to try to intimidate those who are mean to me,

As for this,
Fortunately there were no cars or pedestrians around me since I brutally failed to drive consciously.. Or as my dad told me how he saw a sign that suggested people to “drive with equanimity”..
Yes.. I failed completely..

Luckily I didn’t end up in an institution with psychiatrists or correction officers like him..
That energy in various forms can get me if I don’t properly consciously check in internally,

Today is Halloween,
Three and a half (or so) days before the election,
Maybe Trump will win?
If yes or no I’ll do whatever I can because I’m a fully grown human,
Regardless,

(While typing this a year later, Even though the person I prefered out of the two options won.. Well.. will enough still get done!!?)

This writing helped with some healing but this moment will probably be back..
As it is right now,
Since I’m re-typing it a year later..
The sadness is still there..

Sometimes after moments of mistreatment,
I instantly feel upset,
Sometimes I suppress the feelings to stay focused on whatever I need to be doing in the moment,
But sometimes,
When my attention is less distracted,
The meanness towards me that didn’t then as much upset me,
Really gets to me,
Sometimes unexpectedly..

I want respect,
I want to feel less upset..

And since writing this,
As I predicted,
Yes,
There was way, way more disrespect,

However,
I need to focus on the quality of my writing and revising more,
So I can’t possibly write about every disrespectful moment..

I’ve wrote about enough,
Going back to them when writing is brutal,
It can throw me off..

However,
Aside from my obsessive compulsive blog posting continuing..
And other obsessive behavior that keeps inhibiting the creativity I’m sharing,

Well,
I’ll go back to revising..

As I predicted a year ago,
Of course,
There was more disrespect as there always will me,
I can’t talk about all of it precisely,

For one,
Writing is never EXACTLY like experiences it may be based off of in reality..

Anyway..
I’ll stay focused on creativity,
And won’t let disrespect or meanness, or whatever cruelness from others affect me more than necessary