I know that if I seek number of posts more than what I include in a post,
My attention will therefore be less focused on detail of the post,
Giving insecure traumatized critics an easier and easier chance to destroy me in greater and greater detail,
Since I’m getting closer and closer to 100,
The obsessive forces are strong again.. And giving me all this new OCD such as posts “don’t count” unless posted “just properly” and it needs to be “more than 100 posts” along with so, so much more irrationality..
Writing is obviously not a numbers game,
But this OCD is once again inhibiting my expression the same,
It tells me I must “retype” my last post due to a weird techno glitch,
It’s too hard and unnecessary to explain..
I know what I intended to type was still there ..
It’s a .. what rhymes with “glitch” due to the last four letters but I won’t say it .. (and since I realized I could just choose “paste as plain text on my phone” so the pastes exactly as it is in my Google document (so the stanzas don’t break up).. spending lots of time hitting the spacebar to form them into stanzas (since hitting “enter” on my computer or “return” on my phone creates a new stanza), it now won’t be an issue anymore for me most probably..)
There’s enough creativity with more than enough disrespect in my belief,
And although there may be different or infinite possible meanings that may expand and deepen infinitely,
In my opinion,
Lots of creativity,
Although the song may sound so catchy..
Just fills and fills me with so much negativity,
I won’t blame any particular person,
But lots of creativity does not heal me,
Of course it depends on how I take it in,
What I focus on,
Am I just absorbing negative energy?
Or is there something well intended that I haven’t yet close to sufficiently comprehended?
And I try to have my posts be helpful,
But with this OCD hell,
For my posts,
It is harmful,
And the last type of energy the world of creativity needs is more painful negativity,
According to me,
We can still view negative reality positively such as doing our best on resisting less and less so we have less discomfort in the bad experience,
And maybe somewhat celebrating that at some point it will pass..
I’ll once again say no,
To what OCD is telling me,
I remember when coming home from work today a year ago,
When waiting for an opening at a stop sign to make a left turn to head towards to light,
The when I turned in front of someone who was turning right,
His hands flung up in frustration,
Then he yelled in irritation,
And I lowered the window,
Stuck the finger out and cursed him out..
And as he was making a left into Mcdonald’s,
He gave me the finger..
I remember I almost got into an altercation ..
Aside from me obsessively compulsively posting to get more than 100 posts..
I’ll see if I can find and post that story which explains it more precisely ..
And yes I also wrote a short story which included that,
But for now..
I’ll look for the poem, or shorter version,
Of that wasteful altercation