Enough Already

According to me,
Many others are not the only ones,
in need of some helpful salvation,
Reparation,

I feel that many feel they “know” my situation,
Without knowing me,
Without experiencing my atypical environment,
Without experiencing my atypical condition,
This is one of my typical assumptions..,

I’m new,
Still adjusting,
To an environment,
Far out of my comfort zone,

While I was on the retail store floor,
“zoning”,
Or neatly condensing items,
Then putting them on the “flat bed”,
A veteran firefighter,
A type of person I greatly admire,
asked me,

“Hey, may you tell me where the taco soft shells are?”

Since I’m new,
and for other reasons I often discuss,
I said..,

“Oh, I’m not exactly sure, but how about these right here?”

Then after I pointed,
He profusely shook his head,
As he made a face,
making me feel more incopetent,
Hazardous and stupid,

While briefly exclaiming “No!”

I then said sincerely,

“Sorry!!”

Then he stoically,
ignored me,

Then I looked at him in a way,
I guess I could say was,
INFLAMMATORY,

My flammable hypersensitivity,
In combination with his anger,
Made my flammable anger,
MORE flammable,
Yet..
It STILL,
did NOT spread it out,
onto others from inside me!!!
Hence,
I helped sustain,
emotional fire safety!!

Also..
Aside from me reading his windbreaker saying “veteran”,
and assuming his age..
As for what the words stated,
I can’t exactly remember..

But the judgmentally part of me guesses..,
That his days of fighting fire,
are over,
?
At least figuratively,
if not literally..
?

Instead of assisting me “fighting the fire”,
Of my built up insecurity,
That worsened instantly,
I couldn’t minutely give back to him,
For his service by telling him where the soft taco shells were precisely..,

The fire in my chest,
then got hotter,
Then sadness made it brutally cooler,

My emotions swung as they usually do,
In variously,
unexpected painful directions,

Is there one form of ultimate pain ?
I don’t think so honestly..

To me,
Pain is in infinite forms in infinite directions,
That may painfully attack us..
Unexpectedly..,

?

I know I struggle a lot,
I wanted to feel confidence,
and determination to give back by fighting literal fire,
But have I FIGURATIVELY fought at least enough already..?
So I don’t have to give forth equally literally?

And with his mentality,
Although I don’t believe in stereotypes,
It didn’t help me feel trustworthy,
It didn’t assist me,
To join any type of crucially needed responders,
Unfortunately,

And I doubt he had autism like me,
And fear like me,
Or whatever form of brutal emotional hypersensitivity,
aside from a level of his own type of PTSD..?

However,
Regardless of what he has been through,
that I don’t know,
He still may have struggles,
DIFFERENTLY,
?

Was it worse?
I wasn’t there,
I don’t know?
I guess we all respond to fire,
differently..?

As for me,
Regardless of my beliefs,
in healing,
and equal moral responsibility,

I still feel,
That I have been,
burned severely,
More than,
enough already

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