Obsessive Compulsive Vibes

My mind is making this moment harder than necessary,
I’m trying to focus my attention on being grateful for all I have,
Yet my mind sucks me into insatiable OCD,

Or is it OCD taking over my mind..?
Is it the “chicken or egg” regarding what is making me feel bad,

Yes..

I know my mind came first before obsessive compulsive “disorder” (more like unconsciously developed insecure behavior..),
Yet..

The OCD forces are the insecurity that limits me,
Which results from bullying,

And not knowing,
How to respond,
Beneficially,

I know it was other egos,
I know they were frustrated with me,
And that they didn’t know how to help me,
And that they didn’t know how to distance themselves and most probably were NOT taught and were NOT supported as for recognizing and cleansing their own insecurity,

And I know my mind prevents me from being grateful,
I know my mind gives me obsessive compulsive vibes that I carry with me and frustrate others with,
Vibes that I’m tempted to block out with booze,

Not like I have anything helpful to offer..
Since beliefs and ideas are not practice techniques..

Welp,
My thoughts are passing,
My obsessive compulsive vibes are with me and I can’t instantly make them leave,

And if I did leave where would I go?
Don’t know..

I just,
Must,
Stay as the painful obsessive compulsive vibes weighs on me and makes what’s harder for me harder,
In addition to how others already made what’s harder for me,
With their bad vibes (or energy),
So much harder so damn frequently,

“It is what it is”,
And it is NOT okay,
Yet I have no choice but to keep staying strong on a way and whatever else comes my way