Missed Opportunities

I can’t change the fact that my overall environment didn’t properly nurture and/or inspire me to utilize my highest innate/predisposed potentials and/or capabilities,

Instead I’ve become shut down in insecurity,
I impulsively or uncontrollably try validating myself by succumbing to OCD,
Instead of living spontaneously freely,

I must accept that I should and could have done this,
that and the whatever other stuff,
..
And that I’m trapped in self-limiting obsessive insecurity,
While the opportunities are passing,
(Such as the opportunity of making practical use of all this economic privilege and “autistic” memory capability),

Yet I feel my experiences,
Especially how others have exacerbated my innate emotional hypersensitivity have damaged and eroded what could have manifested as needed confidence in me,

Yet the culture I was and still am surrounded by,
Just wasn’t conducive for my non-chosen,
Atypical predispositions,

As it is said..,
“It is what it is”,
And my insatiable ego will always expect more and more of me,
Because it perpetually looks in the wrong direction(s),
Instead of turning its attention inwardly,
To clear,
To heal,
To facilitate experiencing the present in which life is occurring,
as needed for my daily functioning and survival,
With my atypical unaccessed fortunes,
And inflicted misfortunes,
And my present state,
..
That other typical beings,
With their insecure egos,
Have damaged,
Have limited,

Have contributed,
To,

All my missed opportunities..

If my missed opportunities are tragic,
What I guess I can say is that,
Tragedies and missed opportunities happen,
?

So all I can look towards,
Is for good cause and effect deep energy karma,

To,

Help me experience,

Better

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