Once I leave they’ll shittalk me,
Resulting from all my pain I express,
Largely because of my failed attempts at conformity, And of course, Their unquestioned convenient attempts at security..,
Largely because .. (to elaborate),
The culture that they connect on,
The culture that they share comradery on,
Is one that my hypersensitivity,
Such as fears of head injuries,
Whether it’s from collisions or killing brain cells due to intoxications,
Limits me from embracing mainstream ways of connecting..,
Yes..,
Although I have wrote what I regard as good writing when “under the influence”,
Truth IS,
I NEED to STOP KILLING BRAIN CELLS,
And start ADDRESSING the pain that I’m so desperate to block out even if the most accessible options to do that entail killing brain cells,
As for lectures on why to avoid toxic culture,
Especially for an atypically hypersensitive and learning challenged person like myself..,
I already know ENOUGH of WHY they’re TOXIC,
Yet..,
Since I can NOT change others,
Since I cannot rationalize with the dominant forces of insatiable irrationality,
It will remain HARD to find and MAINTAIN friendships with those who want to better themselves by aligning with their true nature to inwardly develop themselves to continually access profound capability that’ll help them amazingly appreciate the moment in which life happens,
Such as whatever they (or we) choose to help advance, discover or increase how awesome we can experience this present moment,
INSTEAD of shutting ourselves down in toxic conformity out of a great fear of isolation,
INSTEAD of choosing to limit ourselves or participate in harmful activities just to have friends,
INSTEAD of all that..,
Maybe..,
Just maybe,
If more of us found more confidence to LOOK INWARDLY,
The dominant culture may alternate from head injuries,
From indulging of harmful substances,
From insatiable never ending consumption,
From obsessive behavior,
To INSTEAD,
Inner discovery for continually discovering a more and more profound present inner and external experience in all societies,
Yet I know MOST people will MOST LIKELY not listen to me,
Regardless of how much they understand me,
Because those forces of irrationality are so conveniently blinding and powerful,
That the more ensnared we become in them..,
And the greater numbers there are who settle for them,
Regardless of the extents we know we’re in the dysfunction..,
Yes..,
The less likely we’ll feel confidence, motivation, and inspiration,
To change the system,
To discover ways of being that’ll feel better than we ever imagined,
Yet this collective vision,
I must continue to accept,
Is just part of my imagination,
And I must continually try to not get too emotionally disturbed by that truth,
So I don’t wind up on harmful heavy doses of prescribed and/or unprescribed medication,
So I don’t loose my shit in one of these dysfunctional social functions and wind up killed, maimed,
in the psych ward or prison,
Where the same shit may be just as likely,
If not more likely to happen,
I wish I didn’t have autism,
And I wish I had an easier time embracing what I presently view as dysfunction,
Because the culture that developed I believe limits the ways all of us could truly be functioning,
And if I wasn’t as atypical as I am,
Maybe.. just maybe,
I’ll have an easier time embracing them,
And not be distracted by the truth of how much I’m limiting myself in them..,
Yet ideally and I guess practically speaking,
Regardless of how much we admit it,
Well,
If we supported each other by doing stuff in many ways that are different,
We just may realize,
How much that we were missing out on what we really could have been experiencing all this time in the present..?
And most of us may realize how much more could be experienced..?
That we could help ourselves with,
Including others..,
And I’m sure that me sharing my beliefs about this, to many may sound hilarious,
But it may at least help some further understand why I struggle to remain centered and not become delirious,
Oh right I forgot it’s Valentine’s Day.., Not like it was ever crucial for me to remember anyway.., Yet.. that was just some more of what I had to say,
And evidently I’m not a good example of someone who can sufficiently align with the beliefs I discuss because the dysfunction including how those treat me in response to me being me has given me so damn much limiting insecurity.. such as what I been trying to emphasize in my others blog posts repeatedly
Zach Dana Writing 