Helmet and Pads

(Beginning draft)

I walk into a skatepark at Cleveland Ohio,
By the,
Rock n Roll Hall of Fame,
Skaters of all ages laugh and ostracize me,
Because my style,
With my helmet and pads,
was embarrassing and lame,

I see a YouTube video of a skater,
Wearing a helmet,
As a street skateboarding professional,
I’d never expect it,

For reasons such as because,
it was real skateboarding,
Unlike that Disney channel commercial shit,

I remember how used to feel,
And especially,
How other street skater peers and elders,
Would react to me,
While seeing me,
trying to protect myself,
with a helmet and pads,
For my own safety,
Regardless of orders my parents gave me,

I see a comment,
calling the street skater wearing a helmet,
“Helmet boy”,
While praising the non-helmet street skater,
and calling the helmet skater a “weirdo”,
Which reminded parts of my past,
That still give me pain,
That I struggle to let go,

There’s my bullying history,
My struggle,
To find a better fit in mainstream society..,
Yet especially,
Seeing that comment reminded me,
Of how the street skaters,
condemned me,
For tying to have fun street skateboarding,
While protecting myself,
From getting a head injury,

And of course,
The person on YouTube was mean to me,
He said something sarcastically like..
“Good for him he should’ve been a scooter pro”,
And he included another emoji..,

And in addition to that driver in the pick up truck who BLASTED his horn at me,
And the other pick up driver and all others who recently expressed anger towards me,
Including those who are usually nice to me,
Aside from the state of humanity,
..,
I then expressed to my dad,
how,
And why I feel to be angry,
And going crazy..,

Since my energy which I struggled to control,
Didn’t make myself clear,
He didn’t hear,
That,
underneath my anger,
About the YouTube hater,
Is a history,
Of pain,
Of what that culture,
Among the larger culture,
Did to me,
And how I feel it continues to hurt me,
And how it continues,
To challenge,
My sanity,

And,
As I express myself to my dad,
Angrily,

As I mentioned already,
Because he then assumed I only was acting crazy about the one small comment,
He told me to,
Understandably to,
“Get over it”,

Causing me,

To lose my shit,

So,
I then,
drive back to my mom’s house,
Slowly in the right lane,
While others pass me as they drive insane,
..,

I call my therapist,
Tell him I’m beyond pissed,
We talk,
He listens,

Afterwards..,

My dad calls me back,
He says,
“Let’s try it again”,
So I get off at the nearest exit to head back,

So after getting off at the exist,
I drive slow,
In a (somewhat) remote town I don’t know,

Then a man and woman tailgate me,
I pull to the right, on the narrow shoulder,
To allow them to pass me,

And as they pass,
The couple then stops right in front of me,
Blocking the road while stopped on the double yellow line diagonally,
Then,
The passenger window lowers,
I pull up alongside the car,
He asks me,

“What’s going on!??”
I say,
“No I didn’t mean it like that. I just was trying to let you guys pass”,
He says,
“Alright”,
And they moved along,

Then after I finished putting my dad’s address,
In the GPS..,

And I remained safe,
From another fight,
I remain apprehensive about more pain to come,
I remain hurt,

Yet..
I drive back,
While continuing with my life,

It was a rough day today,
And as I write this I get into an argument with my sister in a family group chat..,
I won’t get into that..,

I’m frustrated,
Due to people making me feel a usual way,
And all I been through,
Including what I still struggle through,

This was mostly about how the street skaters would treat me,
And that as of now,
I want to advocate for my writes,
I want to respond sincerely,
More often,
To anyone else who hurts me..,

And well,
As I drove back..,

Along the way,
..,
At least,
As of now,
I think it’s appropriate for me to say,

That in some way,

I’m okay

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