July 24th

There may be typos,
Yet I just..,
Couldn’t inwardly discover the inner patience to wait on this..,

And..,

Regardless of the date(s) I post and/or further revise this,
Regardless of whatever else:

As for July 24th,
I feel a need to acknowledge,
I feel a need to try my best to communicate,
My deep appreciation,
Gratitude,

I feel a need to share,
How I’m grateful for,
A gift our messed up world was given,
A gift that would grow into someone who,
Not only knows, talks and analyzes about,
Yet also,
ACTS,
With great strengths of care,
Someone,
Who really,
In times of need,
I feel,
Has,
More than anyone else has,
For me,
Been there,

If anyone has been there for me the most,
It’s been you,

I want to thank you,
For being there,
When the peers and administration,
Gave me loads of recurring rejection,
Loads of hurtful judgmental projection..,
..,
Yet,
UNLIKE THEM,
..,
YOU,
helped me learn,
To control my inner chemical emotion WITHOUT EXCESSIVE MEDICATION,
You made it LESS likely that my inner emotional reaction(s) leads to a deadly explosion,
Because you’re emotionally there for me,
UNLIKE THEM,
You provide me with,
Compassion,
..,
And,
UNLIKE THEM,
You saw how I was sensitive,
And,
UNLIKE THEM,
You know,
(Regardless of what works for others),
YOU KNEW,
What the medication would do to me,
You knew how a special school was NOT the answer for me,
Others may disagree,
Yet,
They just do NOT see,
And you help remind me,
To remember,
To NOT give them power over me,
Essentially..,

And I know and I’m GRATEFUL for how you empathetically see that it’s not easy (especially for those like me),
Yet,
You’re there for me,
And others,
Regardless of their stories and adversity..,
Ha,
I know you have REALLY been there for me,

I’m still trying to find what I see fit,
While trying to take less punches and bullshit,
Since I have not yet recovered from a lot of it,
You know I struggle to keep taking it,
And I appreciate that,

Oh..,
How the world remains apathetic and numb..,

I want to thank you,
For doing all you could to keep me safe,
From whichever dangerous institution(s),
And whoever else,
That would NOT have understood me the way you always have,

If it was not for you,
And all you’re able to do,
And have actually DONE,
I just might have been,
Long gone..,

??

Thank you,
For all you have done and continue to fight for,
Such as,
For those who struggle with mental health,
For helping those get a better handle on the wheel as they navigate through this confusing recurring dark world and times,

Many may remain emotionally distant,
Yet,
In addition to being there in person,
In addition to providing for me financially,
You used your inner strength,
To ensure to the best of your ability,
That I develop internally,
That I not only better myself financially,
That I also grow,
As a person,
Beautifully,

And although I feel to have been struggling immensely presently,
Although I still feel incompatible and out of place quite often,
Thank you for your economic and EMOTIONAL awareness and support,
That I am blessed with,

And I hope others know,
All you’ve done and continue to do,
So they remember,
The goodness,
The awesome beingness,
That remains possible,
That (as I feel) myself and many others,
Struggle to access,
Nourish and keep with us,
As we may struggle in our own way,
Down our own path(s),
As we pass through our own courses,
Of varying encounters,
Of varying experience(s),

And as for those who may be uniquely vulnerable,
And/or whoever,
However mainstream and “well-adjusted” or not..,

Thank you for seeing us,
Thank you for the compassionate strength in which you provide us,

When the others my age did NOT want to be around me,
When the school administration was NOT able to regard the bullying and just wanted to conveniently put me on medication,
That my guidance counselor ordered you to pay for,

And as I’d assume based on what you shared with me when I was more ready..,
As for support services I needed she looked you dead in the eye and said,
“That’ll be on your dime”,
Yet UNLIKE her,
I want to thank you,
For the compassion and support you provide me with almost all (if not all) of the time..,
..,
You were there for me,
And I hope she had a fun vacation in Hawaii..,

I know everyone has their struggle,
Their experiences,
And deserves a vacation,
Yet,
You are one of,
If not,
The strongest person I’ve ever seen,

You stay kind,
While others stay mean,

As for whoever else is reading this,
You’d be DAMN lucky,
To have a mother like this,

Mom,
Thank you for being there,

Thank you,
For also,
In the best way you know,
For,
Reminding me,
Of the importance of compassion,
Even for those who severely hurt me,
Even for those who spotted my learning/emotional “on the spectrum” weaknesses and decided to use it against me,
Such as for that guy by the last name of (okay I will NOT say it) who is (at least) a year older than me..,
And all that shit he’d among others would do to me and just made me feel additionally miserable,
Misunderstood and REJECTED in my HOME COMMUNITY,
So THANK YOU,
For helping me through,
For being a TRUE,
Close friend,
When others just did NOT want to,
Thank you,

And yes,
I’m a slow learner,
I,
Struggle to see the big picture,
Others who struggle less in that regard might find my presence to be even some degree of psychological torture,
Yet YOU,
Just,
Kept making it THROUGH and stayed KIND,
UNLIKE my main baseball coach who I’ll TRY NOT TO GET INTO..,

And well,
I wish him the best,
Including more coaching career success..,
..,
Guy knew a lot,
Yet as for me and my struggles,
Which people like him struggle to be around,
It’s just been a lot,

You could handle it,
And,
Like many others,
He could NOT..,

He and many others just wanted me gone,
And if it was NOT for YOU,
I may have just been,
LONG GONE,

And mom,
As for you,
All the,
WORK YOU DID ON YOURSELF,
That others who treated me like shit,
Just did NOT,
THEY,
MAY,
ALL,
F*CK OFF,

Sorry for the cursing..,
I know everyone’s got their trauma,
I know everyone’s got their “lived experience”,
As you’ve helped inform me of,
Aside from my frequent struggles with inner/spiritual/self-improvement,

Thank you,
For being there for me,
Thank you,
For meeting my needs as for how they needed to be met,
Something that I unfortunately feel many others just will NEVER get,

Thank you for understanding,
When so many others just didn’t,
Still don’t,
And may never will,

Thank you,
For all you do,
To help me make it up,
My autistic,
Neurodivergent,
Non-mainstream hill(s),

You,
Deserve,
An,

AWESOME

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY