I feel,
I’ll be more likely at peace,
I’ll heal less inner painful resistance,
If I develop acceptance,
Of all I have ZERO control over,
Amidst a dominant,
Emotionally distant,
Heavily instilled,
Locked down and in control,
Culture,
I must refrain from destructive vengeance,
I’ll never win in essence,
I feel:
Yes,
Forgiveness may just be a step by step process that some may progress at far faster than others(?),
Yet,
The more I take steps in a forgiving direction,
The more it just may be a helpful addition,
To inner peaceful healing cultivation..?
I’ll try to keep staying safe from dangerous mountains,
From vast landscapes and geographical natural/human (or any form(s) of intelligence) created and perpetuating toxic traditions of post traumatic cultural ignorance,
I may try to do what I can and what’s safe with trustworthy like-minded individuals,
if and only if,
I ever find and remain accepted by the community,
Yet,
I feel,
It’s in my best safety interests to NOT forget,
For my own developing peace,
I must accept I’m completely powerless,
If while trying to climb up a mountain of snow..,
I’ll try to remember the best I learned,
I’ll try the best I presently know,
Of how to stay as safe as possible,
From getting killed,
By an avalanche of toxic traditional culture that may try to torture me for me being me,
I’ll try to spot where they have those nets of rocks and tree logs that they’re ready to cut free from the posts and nets that hold them back for whenever they feel “attacked”,
Or whatever it could be that sadistically positions them (logs, rocks, or whatever) for any innocent harmless “outsiders” who are unwelcome.. and/or “unchosen” like them (as in whatever excessive fearful hateful exclusive group)..(?),
So yes,
As I proceed up a mountain I’m forced to move up due to rising sea levels (just to add to the figurative narrative effect.. I guess.. (?)),
I’ll try to spot where the gunmen are stationed,
As well as the snow..,
And yeah,
I’ll try to spot wherever it’s dangerous to go..,
And well..,
As I proceed to climb up any mountain,
I must remember my immensely minute unnoticeable powerless insignificance,
I must not try to conquer,
The dangerous forces of humans and their collective powerful unconscious nature,
Because if I proceed in an unaware and foolish way..,
Well,
I just may get additional torture(?),
And as for another metaphor..,
Or whatever figures of speech,
I’ll go on to say I feel that:
I’ll just try to keep sufficiently NOT reacting and merely witness those bad memories,
Without getting sucked into a current of toxic vengeance,
Without fighting a current that’ll EFFORTLESSLY drain me of energy,
..,
And if I dare go a little deeper in those memories for writing material,
Well I must remind myself prior,
If I go deeper in the water,
I just may MORE LIKELY drown in certain memories,
And/or,
Any forces of nature which I remain UNAWARE of..,
And well..,
If the water gets too high,
If I can no longer stand..,
I must NOT swim against the current,
Hence,
If I try to stop the current of toxic ignorance,
If I try to change what I can NOT change,
I’m only going to drown,
..,
So I must accept my powerlessness,
I must accept my..,
present neurodivergent vulnerability,
And insignificance..,
Hence I must..,
Peacefully relax and..,
Swim to the side,
And stay safe from any dark forces and their 5 year (or longer) contracts that’ll force me into the (or their) horrific ignorant current(s)..,
That’ll make it impossible for me to swim to the side..,
And as for these figures of speech..,
Maybe they’ll prevent me from swimming to the side by strengthening or sustaining their supernatural (or however stronger than me) undertow?
Yet only they and their dark secrets would know..?
Yet I must sustain,
Awareness..,
For how to avoid this..,
I feel:
That yes,
Even though there’s always something else important to be discovered and deeply understood,
Well..,
I feel that myself,
Among many others,
Have lots of ignorance,
Such as there’s lots I do NOT know about them,
And of course,
There’s LOTS that I feel many others,
Misunderstand,
And/or..,
Fail to understand,
About me,
Including all the dysfunction I see and internally struggle to become at peace with,
Whether it’s about me,
Or the way anything external is,
To any micro and/or macro degree,
There’s lots I struggle to let go of,
Lots I struggle to avoid,
Lots I carry with me,
Lots of pain,
That remains within and excessively inhibits me,
Including..,
A lot I wish others would see and empathize with,
Such as how this,
Hardass culture,
This (even low key) militaristic style of discipline did not “build me up”,
Yet in fact,
Messed me up,
..,
Huhh..,
It did not awaken me,
It traumatized me,
..,
Yet (as my friend said),
I’d say it just may most likely be most practical to continually take more viable steps to increasingly, “forgive”,
Any of those,
“For their ignorance”,
..,
In order to help me have inner peace,
Through forgiveness,
Instead of being further held back,
Instead of falling LESS and LESS off track,
By anger,
Hurt,
Or whatever bad feelings,
That resulted,
And/or got exacerbated,
Because of what their ignorance caused them to feel a need to do to me,
..,
Even though their ignorance damaged instead of clearly taught me,
To feel better presently,
I feel I must remember to cultivate the inner peaceful forgiving energy,
And I must remind myself,
Since their ignorance,
Just may not regard steps toward inner healing peacefulness..,
?
So yes,
Even if I can NOT avoid them and their unquestionable actions,
And stone cold lack of remorse,
Of course,
I must,
Stay on track and not be held back,
Nor lose balance and (yes..) fall off track..,
..,
And I must stay on track,
Even if that just leads to more inner peace,
In this,
Or any moment that I can NOT instantly change nor avoid..,
Ohhh..,
May I stay safe from any toxic deadly void..,
And regardless of what may “work for others” that happens to damage me,
Well..,
As for a belief of mine..,
I just wish that more could see,
That if we had less inner pain,
And more peace,
That it just may help increase(?),
Any ability of ours,
(No matter what abilities of ours remain presently),
..,
Hence I would say,
Inner peace can help any of us,
No matter where we are with any ability,
And/or capability,
?
And if many cruelly dismiss what I shared here(?),
Well,
I feel I must (as my friend once told me (essentially))..,
“Forgive them of their ignorance”,
For reasons such as I feel that,
Well,
We’re just all differently affected,
By different,
Life,
Experiences,
See as for what we see,
Do and continue,
Well,
I just presently feel..,
There are differences,
And why let their ignorance,
Fill me with more tension and/or negativity?
Why let their views of reality bother me?
Well,
The more I accept that I can NOT change them,
That I can NOT instantly “cure” them of what I view as brutal and destructive ignorance,
The more I may MORE likely accept that I do NOT have any control on what they see as truth,
Including what them and their “truth” happens to do to me..,
Well..,
The MORE I accept,
The LESS inner painful resistance and/or negativity I may carry with me(?),
The LESS inner pain I just may exacerbate in any present unavoidable hell they may just do to me,
In “the name of their ‘deity’”..,
And/or whatever ignorant authority,
And yes..,
As I tried to clearly emphasize in my post “The Difference I See”,
I will (therefore) try to increasingly,
Turn to deeper,
Spiritual,
Peaceful,
Life energy..,
Ohh..,
Ohhhhh..,
Ohhhhhhhhh may I just accept what I can NOT avoid NOR control in any present inevitable reality..,
Hence,
Whether they ask for it or not..,
I’ll try to therefore,
Forgive them,
Of their ignorance,
Which,
Hopefully(?) additionally helps,
With needed,
Inner,
Peacefulness,
Huhhh..,
May I attain,
May I sustain,
More needed,
More awakened,
Persistence
Zach Dana Writing 