Here’s one for You, Coach

As always I can NOT remember NOR include everything..,
Yet you know what..?
Here’s one for you!!

When I didn’t move up for fielding a ground ball you’re like,
After saying..,
“Are you freaking kidding me!!?”
Then you were like while CLEARLY REFERRING TO ME..,
“I don’t tolerate mental stupidity!!”

And when I didn’t know how you wanted us to hold the bat you were like..,
“Are you kidding me!!?”
Then I look and you’re like,
“What could I possibly mean by saying ‘put the bat behind your back!!?”
And instead of just showing me you’re like,
“After all the time you spent in camp you seriously don’t know what I’m talking about!!?”
And instead of just showing me,
You’re insecure ego had to use it against me..,


When I tried helping the campers with their stuff and was like “Is this anyone’s bat?”
While knowing exactly what I meant..,
You sarcastically said..,
“It someone’s bat”..,

And of course there were all those times when you flipped out because I was struggling to get the batting form right..,
You’d throw a pitch and was like,
Next pitch..,
Next pitch..,
Next pitch..,
Next pitch..,

Ohh there were a lot of those..,
A lot of nasty comments and looks..,
Ohh yes..,

And oh yeah..,
You really made yourself look like a clown.. DAMN..,

And (at age 13) I tried to chime in on a conversation about the home run derby among the campers..,
And I said something good about another dickhead who happens to be a multi-millionaire for hanging out in batting cages (as his day job) named Alex Rodriguez (who bullied Robinson Cano in a YouTube video (for example)) and you were like..,
“What are you talking about!!? A-Rod has the best numbers in baseball!!”
So I then chose NOT to join in the conversation which could’ve helped me develop my social skills as a young autistic camper..,

Ohh yeah..,
At a baseball clinic..,
You said to yourself for everyone to hear,
“And if you don’t understand the instructions, then you have learning disabilities..”,
Damn coach..,
Way to be compassionate..,

(Yes obviously I’m being sarcastic.., and my remaining insecurity that people like YOU, Coach, has contributed to then caused (in me) obsessive compulsive behavior to feel “secure” like how I just explained right here that I’m being sarcastic..),

At least you were a Met fan,
And at least you helped me out by seeing if I wanted a JV assistant coaching position since I didn’t make the teams..,

And least you knew,
I could play well in practice..,
Although you did NOT know how to help me practice reducing anxiety to perform well under pressure that (of course) is just part of baseball..,

Why go on and on..?

You were just another asshole,
Because of people being that way to you (as I’d guess(?)),
Yet regardless of all that..,

Like I talked about with my therapist,
I’ll once again practice “cutting the strings” that are attached to the MEMORIES of what YOU among what SO many others did to me..,
And oh yeah,
For me,
As I’d say whoever is reading this can see..,
Compassion does NOT come easy,
NOR instantly..,

And may I use another metaphor?
How about “breaking the chains”..?
So I break FREE of all that WEIGHS in me..,
Including largely because,
Of what people like YOU have done to me..,

It’s just been a painful struggle,

And yep,
I can NOT post about all of it,
And it just is NOT the best use of my time..,
And well..,
There you go,


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