Was NOT planning to write This

I was NOT planning to write this,
Since I’m trying to let this stuff go, you know..?
..,
Yet,
Just thought I’d also let you know..,

That even though you may have been “just joking”,
Oh you had them laughing,
Such as after gym class when you would say “how bad I was at everything”,
..,
Ha..,

I’m sure you’re now making money in banking,
I know finance you were eagerly considering,
..,
And well,

You had your kinder sides too,
Yet the bad stuff you ALSO did,
Which among other bullshit..,
Also happens to pass through me,
And sometimes it remains and increases in intensity..,
Ohhh why isn’t a good figure of speech coming to me!!?

Anyway,
I think it’s still clear that,
There was a lot you also did,
You definitely made fun of me for being in special Ed,
After you either moved up or remained in your regular or advanced Math classes..,
Yeah I know you had an IEP too,
And well..,
Maybe whatever condition(s) they said you had,
Just did not harm you as bad?

And I get it,
I can try to regard how you were “joking”,
At least part of the time..,

But man..,
You had your friends,
One who would never talk to me,
Yet would laugh at the jokes you would tell about me..,
Like one time you said “I’m good at gym class sports yet suck at real sports”,
And oh that got a kick out of everyone..,
And I could’ve sworn someone else said something like “he just sucks at everything”,
And even though that additional part might’ve not exactly been it(?),
You still had them all dying..,
Oh the jokes you made about me were just so creative and spot on!
Like.. come on!!
..,
And well..,
Pertaining to stuff that SEEMED to be about me,
(As what’s generally the case..),
I just didn’t catch everything..,
Nor would I want to..,

Man..,
Seems like those funny jokes you made,
Did NOT have a fun effect on me..,
And oh yeah..,
You assholes would NEVER invite me,
Not once..,

And well..,
I can NOT promise if I’ll share more when and if I remember it..(?),
And well,
You had your insecure ego that made hurtful jokes about me to try to feel a sense of “superiority”,
And I’ll just..,
Keep trying to let go more and more of my ego that wants to get back at you and all the others..,
Because what will getting egoic back do?
Other than essentially just add more destructive ego energy?

And evidently,
As for what you and others did to me,
And as for how things are politically..,
Well..,
I would say..,
There’s just too much of that heartless egoic energy,

?

And oh yeah..,
Letting go for me remains a struggle,
Constantly,

I just tried to NOT get myself to spend time and energy writing this,
And INSTEAD have a more peaceful,
Free focus,
And well..,
I just happened to write it,

And I’ll remind myself once again,
That well..,
As for every mean thing everyone has done,
I just do NOT have time to get to all of it..,

So I wish to find more peace while practicing letting go of more of it

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