Okay moving On

I feel:
It’s like..,
My ego can NOT always find who is the “most deserving” of another post where I vent about a considerable amount of the messed up shit the person did to me and/or the effect(s) it happened to have on me..,
And regardless that there’s always a lot I just do NOT find time NOR energy to include,
At least I (somewhat) already mentioned the people who were the worst and who I still have included in plenty of NOT yet shared short stories..,
And well..,
It just becomes more painful obsessive compulsiveness,
(That (I feel) of course results from anxious insecurity that (also) got EXACERBATED due to bullying they gave me..),
For one..,
I MOST PROBABLY will encounter MORE and MORE of people who will act pointlessly cruel to me who I can then (if I choose to) post about..(?),
(Especially due to the dominant unconscious toxic mentality that (I feel) just seems to effect so many..),
And well..,
Even though I can NOT get to all of it..,
And as for..,
After writing about what one person did to me..,
And then feeling pressured to write about what another person did,
Then another and however many others..(?),
Well I’d say it..,
Can often get painfully EXHAUSTING,
Because well..,
I’m just immersing myself in so much dark memories and/or energy..,
And it does NOT help me continue with a practice of building more and longer positivity..,
For reasons such as,
I’m just emanating writing that (instead of inner healing) remains as external negativity..,
Yet I do try including something positive (even in posts that may just be quite negative)..,
And as of now I’ll keep and can ALWAYS revise even what I made public..,
Point is..,
I feel I must remind myself that another step towards more positivity is letting go of more and more harmful stuff others have done to me..,
(Regardless of the extent(s) I write about it or NOT..),

And well..,
Since I already have this stuff wrote,
I’ll include it,
While of course,
Trying to be more positive while looking back at whatever I happen to look back at..,


Okay as for you I’d say I’m more okay moving on..,
You were more of a friend,
Even though (mostly in 7th grade) you often made me throw out everyone’s garbage a number of times,
Including making our other friend do it (less times but still a considerable amount) who also happened to do some messed up shit to me additionally,

Like how he “blamed” me for bringing my younger brother “trick-or-treating” with us,
Which especially was NOT cool to my younger brother..,
You said to that guy “don’t blame Zach..”,
Which I thank you for (as for that)..,

And even though you’d pressure me to buy you lunch,
And made me throw everyone’s garbage out..,
And once immensely criticized (or brutally shamed) me for not always going along with the group (in sixth grade) such as when I spent time by myself snowboarding in the front yard of my mom’s house..,

And well..,
As for my other friend from college who once called me “dunce” (for no valid reason) during a vacation in Miami..,
And once yelled really loud in the room to see if I’d jump.. and said it was “weird” that I did NOT..,
And who essentially once said that me and my “pledge brothers” went from “sorry sacks of shit to less sorry sacks of shit”..,
I’m going to try keep being real,
While of course,
Letting go of more and more of it,

And focus on,
At least,
Some more positive moments,

As for the title,
I hope to feel,
More and more okay,
(Or better),

Moving on

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