Listening

I feel that:

Seeing stuff differently than most,
Can make me more vulnerable to being socially disconnected,
And getting dangerously lost in my head,

I feel,
Insensitive dismissals of my predisposed struggles with emotional dysregulation can make me more emotionally dysregulated,
..,
I want to deeply socially connect,
While it seems MANY others feel a need to dismiss and reject,

I want to be understood,
While I feel many want to play around with my emotional chemicals,
..,

Some may constantly bust my balls,
Some may recommend I take this or that,
That I try that and that,
..,
And when I reach out to them for my social connection health,
I do NOT hear back,
Unless it’s brief patronizing advice,

Although I may agree with them depending on the context,
Many may give a simplistic suggestion..,
Such as,
“You gotta let go of the past”,
And/or “take your medication”,
..,

It’s just,
I wish they’d truly listen,

And many who do NOT for however valid of a personal reason,
Leave me more emotionally,
Cognitively and/or however internally vulnerable to spirling into social/emotional/mental disconnection,
Possibly resulting in complete delusion,
And being under MORE control of the unconsciously sadistic and powerful,

(Source: Jennifer Kanary Nikolova, “Beyond Diagnosis — Understanding Psychosis” May 12th, 2020, Labyrinth Psychotica, https://medium.com/beyond-diagnosis-the-anoiksis-chronicles/beyond-diagnosis-making-sense-of-psychosis-e32a6aeae308),

So UNLESS I find some viable practice/support,
Of REDUCING the likelihood of getting lost in my passing inner emotional intensity,
..,
If I can learn naturally how to NOT have my emotional dysregulation spiral me into delusion,
INCLUDING in isolation,
..,
Then I’ll be more equipped to survive and function,

I feel,
True power is within me,
NOT in any pill,
NOT in any power seeking external entity,
(For example),

I feel,
Needed survival inner peaceful awareness,
Can most deeply be found,
Within me,

And although I always feel there’s a degree of uncertainty,
I hope for that awareness,
To protect me,
Even if too many do NOT understand my unique condition,
That’s been uniquely shaped by my unique environment and/or unique lived experiences,
That has given me unique excessive emotional struggles (for example),

Yet regardless of our labels,
Such as whether we’re on a different “spectrum”,
Or whether we’re labeled as “neurotypical”,
Well,
I’d say we ALL have struggles,
And to get through this together,
We must sufficiently remember,

To deeply,
Compassionately,

LISTEN,

To each other

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s