At first or All at Once

I feel:

I’ll just have to keep remembering to continue practice accepting,
Whether naturally having “problems”,
Or being told I have “problems”,
Gave me more problems..?
Was I “born with” my issues..?
Or was there an unfortunate series of externally occurring events that made me (what I may regard as(?)) painfully LESS present and MORE inclined to remain socially distant..?
Or both..?
And/or (to reward it again(?)) more easily inclined to lose myself in unconscious spiraling excessive analytical thought..?

Sometimes I feel I just want one essential and easy to understand answer,
Sometimes I feel I just want a savior,
One who can teach me literally,
One who does NOT rush to emotionally intimidate me,

I believe that (for example),
The MORE afraid I am of asking what I see as a needed survival question,
The MORE LIKELY I’ll remain in increasing fearful confusion..,
Which may spiral into horrific delusion,
Especially if and whenever in a situation,
When other uncontrollably sadistic external entities are more inwardly aware of my present inner self-awareness..,
I guess..?

As for the “chicken or egg”..,
Pertaining to what I said above..,
What came first..?
My problems OR problems resulting from believing I have “problems” after being told (to whatever degree implicitly and/or explicitly, sincerely and/or impatiently emotionally dismissively (for example)) that I have “problems”..?
And maybe it was all at once..?
And maybe to make others trust us more we need to do better at spotting true inner emotional sources of out of control impulses INSTEAD of allowing our present out of control emotions to form deadly conveniently closed minded assumptions with closed minded “justifications”..?

I’d say that,
What we say,
How we say it,
And our awareness of how it affects others including how we see ourselves..,
Always has some type of level of emotionally interdependent sentient collective affect..?

And I do NOT mean to..
As many seem to essentially say “should all over myself”..,
I presently believe I just feel that this SHOULD come back to common moral awareness that (I believe) is shaped by our life experience(s) such as how others relate to us and how it shaped our emotional/physiological sensory awareness development..?

So what really came first..?
And what occurred,
In whatever ways to whatever extents,
All at once..?

And if I did not sufficiently piece together these spoken words..,
May more capable literary awareness,
Facilitate and sustain increasing moral development as we pass through this similar form of sentient experience,

I hope that me trying to organize thoughts,
And whatever I feel a need to try to clearly piece together into spoken and/or written words,
Has helped,

And if it has NOT,
Instead of using energy to criticize me,
May you instead do a truly better job than me,

May criticism NOT be alienating,
May criticism NOT be divisive,

May criticism be kind,
Healing and cooperative,

And may our steps towards more of this be TRULY clear,
Morally considerate and/or productive,

Thanks for reading

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