Chemical Balancing Headquarters

IF every word and/or set of words that comes out of my mouth receives a diagnosis..,
..,
IF all I find is NOT sufficiently thought stimulating,
IF all I practice does NOT help me learn NOR help me remember how to nourish the roots of my present individual physical functioning,
IF all I do is just listen to several different lived experiences,
opinionated expressions and hierarchical evaluations from others..,
Then..,
When will I have time to piece together foundational clear internal growth to plan and connect a purposeful blueprint that may manifest as an individual and collectively needed career path?
..,
Of course (I believe) I can learn from experiences of others,
Of course (I believe) our experiences and inner sensations are inseparably interdependent to a significant extent,
Yet I feel I must learn (if not remember) how to remain safely concisely focused and further embody my beliefs instead of losing emotional awareness and INSTEAD of ALWAYS questioning WITHOUT finding any viable decision in which I question and ask for help when most needed to help myself among any present sentient surroundings,

Instead of overthinking and always trying to find deep meaning..,
I feel I need to act with more internal and external emotional alertness and awareness that’ll lead to more peace and happiness..,
I’m not sure if I need to yet I’ll just cite this:
(Source: Ryan Holiday, “The Obstacle Is The Way”, pages 46 – 47, (2014), Profile Books, London),

And if I excessively lose sleep..,
Instead of becoming manic while giving moral insightful organized and efficient leadership,
……,
My mania might INSTEAD get manically excessively evaluated,
Emotionally dismissed and interrupted to the point of energy building and building within,
Scattering my mind in all directions of increasing paranoid assumption,
Then I may get forced on medication (and/or secretly given it to take off the edge in social recreation) to have my attention remain “on track”..,

And when I do NOT want to take medication,
When I want to HONOR what my teachers taught me about the NEED to just say “NO” to drugs..,
..,
Well..,
Where will I find a specialist who will NOT diagnose my behavior to just receive a paycheck from the lead chemically balancing social function accepting headquarters!!?

I just hope to trust more of my teachers and how they’re influenced by administrative law and orders

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