Weakest Link

I feel that:

Some people just want to talk to me,
Because I’m the approachable shy guy,
Because they (unconsciously) just want to hear themselves do ALL THE TALKING,
Because their egos are looking to feel more control,
Because,
Stepping on me,
Just may be an only step in the direction towards more social inclusion,

?

Yes..,
Even though they’re the “new” and/or “different” guy..,
Well,
They’ll fit in some day among others who always bust my balls hilariously..,

Maybe they can arrive from a different culture,
Speak very little English,
And/or become more accepted,
Tolerated,
And will be another,
Who will use my social awkwardness against me..,
Oh wow..,
What a “beautiful” multicultural social connection..,

?

For one even though I do NOT believe,
In STEREOTYPES..,
EVEN though I STILL remember,
Some of the politest,
Welcoming strangers I met,
Just happened to be of the (as I have heard) stereotypically “arrogant” French Canadians who I met on a road trip at a skatepark while passing through Montreal with the family prior to heading west..,
Welp..,
Here’s another post about..,
An experience,
With another civilian,
And/or a brief incorporated mention of the world’s “new richest man”..,

Regardless,
Here’s what I feel a need to say:

Sometimes those who get bullied for being different and/or the new guy (for example),
Remain too afraid to confront the bully,
So INSTEAD they may DISPLACE their anger on another who is weaker and/or different even though they are ALSO an original group member..,
And well,
I just have another memory,
Pertaining to a French exchange student,
Who briefly tried to temporarily join in my circle of “friends” who’d also work towards busting my balls MORE similar to the others..,

Sure he had a fun time in America..,

Oh how he was learning..,
Finding his way..,
The neurotypical French exchange student,
Finding deep social connection(s) in an unknown land..,
With others who are “normal” and who seek to bust my balls..,
Oh wow..,
Just..,
Wow..,

Oh monsieur,
Please,
Welcome me as I kindly inclusivly welcome you to my home country,
Please do NOT exacerbate how my peers already treat me..,
And as for you,
Bernard Arnault,
Please have compassion even though you may ADDITIONALLY profit off of what those similar to me purchase,
To block out the emotional pain we feel..,
Let’s be real..,
Owner of (among others..) “Christian Dior and Moët & Chandon champagne”…,

(Source: The Guardian, Rupert Neate, “Fortune of world’s richest person Bernard Arnault tops $200bn”, Published: April 5th, 2023, Hope this is the right link: https://amp.theguardian.com/business/2023/apr/05/fortune-of-worlds-richest-person-bernard-arnault-tops-200bn-lvmh),

Huhh..,

Here’s what I also wrote so far:

Often when there’s a new insecure guy in the friend group,
When they struggle to fit in,
And when they have more inner anger that’s exacerbated by my friend group malevolently busting their balls in addition to mine,
They’ll take that anger out by being mean to ME,
Because I’ve too often been the weakest link,

Such as there once was THAT friend (a couple years younger) of my brother’s friend who was an exchange student from France who came skiing with us,
He first appeared shy and anxious,
Spoke very little English,
..,
My friends would call him “frenchie” and “french toast”,
Yet who did his anxious insecure ego feel a need to confidently overpower?
Not theirs,
MINE,

ALTHOUGH I was nicer,
I was more anxious,
More learning disabled,
Just..,
WEAKER..,

And although I happened to be a nicer person at the time,
Well,
I was a weaker link,

And well,
Even though my friend who threw a snowball in that friend’s face (who knew the exchange student),
Even though my other friend who was the leader has had others make fun of his weight and who once got picked on by other snowboarders after accidentally riding into one of them..,
Even though everyone was also struggling,
Well,
Because I was nice and LESS intimidating,
Well,
I was just an easier target..,
For the FOREIGN French exchange student,

And well,
Even though my brother’s friend and (friend of the exchange student) who got hit in the face with the snowball (at the base lodge) by my other friend who was making me by him lunch and who got made fun of by others for his weight..,

Because I was polite and anxious myself,
And like myself,
He preferred to be like my friends,
So one time,

When we were riding up the four person ski lift now called the “Belleayre express” close to the top of Belleayre Mountain,
He all of a sudden started breaking out of his anxious awkward exchange student shell,
By tapping his mitten on my face while saying (tap by tap)..,
“France is France”,

And looking back at this,
Well,
Maybe I could have got less offended,

Yet,
Instead of the being the kindest person that I pictured myself as at the time,
Too often,
Those new guys,
Are looking to bust balls the same as the other guys,
So they’ll seek out the quietest,
Most anxious and seemingly most awkward easy target such as myself..,

Oh where WAS that Viking spirit..!?

And of course there was the kid at the orchards,
Who got picked on by everyone else,
And took that anger out on me because I was quiet and awkward REGARDLESS that I was the LEAST deserving of it!!
Hence,
I was just the easier target..,
Oh how I remember him punching me for “talking shit” to him,
He told me how I’d instantly lose my life in his hometown or “hood”,
..,
Yeah..,
I was KINDER and the EASIER TARGET..,
And he just..,
Utilized the opportunity,
To take out the causes of his anger that I DID NOT CAUSE..,
Onto me..,

And even sometimes (such as in school and/or college) like what I wrote about in my post titled “More and More of it” about that guy who pretended to be my friend yet really sought someone to control (posted on August 30th, 2022),

And well,
Not to become “bigoted” NOR “tribal”,
Yet as for the French exchange student who kept putting his glove in my face since he was mad his balls were being busted in a far and unknown place..,
Well,
I ALSO need to bust out of my shell,
And well,
Yes,
As he said without my approval while patting my face and saying “France is France”,
Well,
America is America,
Government is Government,
Freedom is Freedom,
Hypocrisy is Hypocrisy,
Bullying is Bullying,
Displacement is Displacement,
And truth is truth,

So if he wanted to join in with my peers by picking on me,
Well,
That was a time that Viking Spirit should’ve blasted out of me and back into his face,

And for one,
No I do NOT think all French people are “like that”,
NOR will I mention the racial/ethnic backgrounds of others who bullied me,
Yet for one I’d say just as all groups of people are equally capable of being nice,
They’re also equally capable of being bullies,
And yes,
May I also throw it out there that we’re ALL individuals..,

And yeah,
When we stay as the kinder person while we just keep taking it,
Well,
That just may also be a different type of “Viking Spirit” by NOT escalating it and sustaining a peaceful degree needed for helping with civilized society,
Hence I’m NOT trying to go to war with him NOR France,

And even though I believe in peace,
May more of us and whatever younger ages,
Start to truly cultivate inner peace,
So we do NOT feel a need to displace our misery by joining into a culture of bullying,

And to remember,
Since my dog tragically died,
For him,
I WILL,
Keep going