Saying “No”

I feel that for one,
Since what I do adds up,
I can keep abiding by others who want me to always “shut up”,
I can try to develop and sustain the inner peaceful self-control needed to consciously and safely keep trying to STAND in my TRUTH and NEVER give up!
And here’s what I wrote additionally:

Even though I strongly feel I just must when needed,
How to say “NO”,
Those who are LESS learning disabled and LESS socially challenged and (for whatever reasons) MORE confident,
May just be POWERFULLY persistent,

(And well,
Even those with the SAME labels,
If they’ve lived a life more developmentally compatible,
Maybe found and came from a comfortable place in the mainstream..,
May also confidently overpower me,
So yes,
I feel that just because we may have the same “disability” does not mean I can trust them to any greater degree..),

Aside from that,
I still somewhat remember,
When I once told my friend group leader that I did not want to keep buying him lunch,
He had another friend also instruct me to keep complying with his orders for me,
Sometimes he’d turn the group against me,
Had me throw out everyone’s garbage almost daily..,
And sure,
Even though there were times he was also nice to me,
(Like how he once told my friend to not take his anger towards my brother out on me..),
He STILL just did not have a similar level of socially debilitating anxiety that I could see..(?),

I just feel overpowered,
By so many,
So easily,

When I’d ask to quit,
To find a different path I may presently feel as a better fit,
Others just would NOT allow it,
And well,
Since I’d feel bad if they were to turn on me and become my enemy,
I just,
Could NOT say “no”,

And I do NOT say “no” because I’m afraid of going back to isolation,
Increasing chances of dangerous delusional social disconnection (which may be exacerbated by sleep deprivation.. and possibly side-effects of forced medication..? (I guess we all react differently evidently..(?))),,
Yet sometimes I’d rather stay isolated instead of always getting my balls busted..,
And when I’m honest to them about how they treat me,
Oh how they shut me down completely,

When I get more and more honest,
They go more and more crazy,
Because my truth challenges their egos,
Because it exposes their egos mistreatment of me,
And their egos just can NOT stand criticism of me,
Because their egos stand to sustain control over me,
Because their egos can NOT stand staying on the receiving end,
They want to have power over me,
They want to mistreat me,
How others have mistreated them,
Which may date back to how species were emotionally damaged by harsh environmental conditions..(?),

And well,
If I want to survive and avoid worse conditions,
I just have to say “NO”,

I may always FAIL to AVOID those who want to keep me shut down in my shell..,
I feel I must peacefully,
civilly YET firmly say NO!!
EVEN THOUGH I may get an aggressive reaction,
Standing in my truth,
May help me feel more powerful liberation,


People may confidently be themselves around me,
Yet I ALSO have the right to live how I see truthfully,

People may confidently say “no” to me,
I ALSO feel I have the RIGHT to align myself with the truth I clearly presently see

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s