In addition to certain other great people I’ve had the privilege of meeting,
Who in certain instances may be as hard to find as a few needles in a bunch of haystacks..(?),
Or a small number of pebbles scattered in a beach full of sand..(?),
Well,
I also wanted to deeply thank you,
Or at least show my deep appreciation,
For lending me a hand,

Thank you,
For helping me make it in this world,
While I have been carrying a bunch of atypical conditions,
While getting myself (and/or almost getting into) certain deepening situations,
For having patience and compassion for me during my episodes of (what I guess could at least somewhat be considered(?)) “manic delusions”,
And being another one who I’d say empathetically helped me through (back in July 2014),
What I guess I can call(?),
My “existential crisis”,
..,
It’s been deeply helpful to have also had your support and patience,

Maybe compatible therapists can be hard to find..?
Yet knowing you,
And/or having you get to know me,
I never did foresee,
Was an experience that I’d feel would help me significantly,

Back around January 2012,
I thought,
“I don’t need therapy”,
..,
And although there may have been awkward moments occasionally,
(Aside from times I went (what I guess understandably could be considered) “crazy”)..,
Yet..,
I feel that UNLIKE so many,
You were able to more clearly see and relate to me,
Of course,
Especially in times when I may have needed it desperately,
..,
Thank you,
For helping me keep my head up,
And helping me up,
INSTEAD of pushing me down more deeply,
Which many OTHERS may have done unfortunately even while trying to “help” me,
..,
INSTEAD of adding immense criticism,
INSTEAD of throwing insults,
You were there for me in ways I needed it deeply,

I guess..(?),
It’s quite possible that other therapists would’ve just tried to dismissively evaluate and conveniently diagnose me(?),
..,
Maybe many other therapists may have felt a need to be hard on me(?),
Which may very likely just would have exacerbated my obsessive compulsive insecurity..(?),
..,
Yet,
Having you compassionately listen to me,
Even in moments when I may have wanted to talk about some macro world issue that just did NOT at all directly relate to me,
Well,
Being able to chat with you,
About whatever it was,
I feel,
Was,
Most certainly,
Therapeutic for me,

Although maybe I would get grandiose (or a bit too carried away) about philosophy..(?),
As I guess you may remember..(?),
I often liked to try to look deeply at I guess even the small motions I’d pass through daily..,
And maybe I’d obsessively share those Alan Watts excerpt videos with his AWESOME voice and that emotional music that just may have (sometimes if not often) overly sensationalized the messages he was trying to convey..(?),

Yet,
I just want to say,
Thank you,
For deeply,
Sincerely being there for me,
For helping me,
In so many ways,
Through those days,
Back in the day,

And I’m still glad,
That from time to time,
I still get to hear from you to this day,

Although in here there may possibly be typos,
And although I feel I can always add,
Change and/or rearrange what I have to say,
Thanks again and as always,
For all you had and may ever have to offer me,
Including in moments when I may have needed it or may ever become in need of it mostly,

Thank you,
For being among the few,
Who truly knew how to help me,
Stay strong,
And continue,
Moving along

(Re-posted..),

(NOTE FROM AUTHOR: Thought I’d make some changes.. Credit goes to Michael Wilson Hardy, also known as, “HARDY”. The is a parody of the song “UNAPOLOGETICALLY COUNTRY AS HELL”. I hope this is the right link to the original song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKAfmeG08Ww)

My parents support me financially,
Got brutal OCD,
And a link to a WordPress blog that I like to share,
And I know it’s embarrassing of me,
Letting social anxiety get the best of me,
But I’m uncontrollably,
Sensitive as hell,

People say I’m a snowflake but I don’t really care,
My parents were always emotionally there,
I write a lot in my phone,
Storage gets used up,
And if you can’t dip in support group meetings you can’t dip anywhere,
No you can’t,

And my parents support me financially,
Got brutal OCD,
And a link to a WordPress blog that I like to share,
And I know it’s embarrassing of me,
Letting social anxiety get the best of me,
But I’m uncontrollably,
Sensitive as hell,

I got a closet full of juggling balls,
A stack of self-help books,
If I’ve been unemployed for too long then nasty bosses are to blame,
I more often have cried,
I try keeping my old pet cat inside,
When I don’t meditate my inner peace isn’t the same..,

And my parents support me financially,
Got brutal OCD,
And a link to a WordPress blog that I like to share,
And I know it’s embarrassing of me,
Letting social anxiety get the best of me,
But I’m uncontrollably,
Sensitive as hell,

Sorry I am as annoying as I am,
I’ll always apologize if you can’t stand the way that I am,

‘Cause my parents support me financially,
Got brutal OCD,
And a link to a WordPress blog that I like to share,
And I know it’s embarrassing of me,
Letting social anxiety get the best of me,
But I’m uncontrollably,
Sensitive as hell,

You can blame it on the drugs the insurance company forced my mom to take when pregnant with me because they didn’t want to pay for an IV,
And well,
I just like to question reality,
I’m UNCONTROLLABLY SENSITIVE,
SENSITIVE AS HELL,
Ohhh YES

(Source: Hardy, Michael W. “UNAPOLOGETICALLY COUNTRY AS HELL.” A ROCK, 2020. (KnightCite Citation Service (https://www.calvin.edu/library/knightcite/index.php)) )

Wow,
I still have an occasional memory,
Back when we were age three,
Back before I was diagnosed with any form of learning disability,
Before I encountered so much shit that my autistic life would throw at me,
So,
Well,
Just thought I’d say,
I’m glad I’ve also known you along the ride,

Even though I might have been full of some deep negativity recently,
Well,
Just thought I’d also point out some of the many ways that I feel knowing you has helped me deeply,

Thank you for mediating stuff between me and that other guy who seemingly had a hard time hearing that I felt he bullied me,
Your message exchanges definitely helped make it significantly LESS likely of me sinking deeply into a conflict which just may have made stuff severely worse for me,
..,
And I’m deeply grateful you’ve been increasingly understanding of me,
Such as staying patient and inclusive even though I may embarrassingly struggle emotionally and socially,
Because,
UNLIKE you,
Too many others I feel just may judge me surfacely,
Have immediate unnecessary suspicions of me,
Zero consideration of looking more deeply,
And may therefore do whatever to avoid me completely,
..,
Yet not only have you been there,
You also have been patient and kind,
Which is something that I have found,
Very hard to find,

Among all the stuff that I can instantly thank you for,
I’d just like to say some more,
And that is,
Thanks again for welcoming me to stop by your place every so often,
..,
Even an occasional trip to come down there,
Here and there,
Is the type of experience I just may sometimes need,
..,
And to keep being real,
Even though we may only hang occasionally,
I STILL feel that those like you,
Have been way better for me,
..,
I would much rather a rare worthwhile visit,
Than feeling caught up with others in so much bullshit,

Even UNLIKE certain others who said they were “brothers for life” who flew far out of my life,
..,
UNLIKE them,
There was nothing emotionally damaging and unnecessary that I “needed” to “pass through” in order to have friends who’d “accept” me,
..,
You knew that there was NO NEED to put me in an ice bath,
No need for me to drink my ass off,
No need for any level of militaristic verbal abuse in order to “teach me” and “determine” my loyalty..,
So..,
Fuck those who hazed me,
Fuck those who bullied me and never felt a need for an apology,
Fuck those bosses who may have regretted ever hiring me,
Fuck those supervisors who hated having to be around me,
Fuck those baseball coaches among whichever others who focused just on perfection and getting another win,
Which for me has just contributed to excessive obsessive compulsive insecure behavior that has just additionally limited me..,
And screw those who tried to just shut me down on heavy medication..,
So thank you as well for INSTEAD being someone who’d truly listen,
Thank you for remaining kind and in control when I was down,
INSTEAD of pushing me down even further,
..,
I am glad that UNLIKE so many others,
You’ve been and are a REAL brother,

And even though I feel I ultimately can NOT judge those who hurt me,
Even though I just did NOT cause NOR do I give a shit about THEIR sob story,
..,
Well..,
I guess I’ll also throw it out there that I feel that:
Having compassion for those who profoundly wronged me may also take years and years of cultivating inner peace just properly(?),
So thanks again,
For just being kind and polite,
Something that I feel can be so easy yet can be so hard for just so many..,
(Which may also include me since evidently I just may often hate those who deeply hurt me..),

Thank you,
For becoming someone I can trust increasingly,
In this dangerous world I find myself in,
With all my conditions,

Essentially,
Those times I get to hang with those like you remind me that there’s also those out there,
Who are more aware,
In control,
Non-threatening,
Less judgmental and more welcoming,
And do NOT require anything unnecessary and damaging,
For someone like me to go through,
To feel peacefully accepted in society,

And although your birthday is still a few weeks away,
I just eagerly felt like sharing this,
Today

I feel I decently understand that when others are under immense stress that I did NOT cause,
That they may MORE likely fail to control themselves around me,
..,
Yet since I feel to have been a punching bag for quite some time already,
They just,
At some point,
Will NO LONGER receive compassion from me

Since a part of me feels THAT I have been treated so often like shit,
I am inclined to hold others accountable,
EVEN if they’re innocent (and I just don’t realize it),

Hence,
I’ll have the spirit,
To,
NOT,
Take any more bullshit,

Yep,
I’m referring to my superiors,
And I must say,
Well,
I do NOT take bullshit,

I believe in freedom,
I,
Believe in,

FREEDOM,

And ZERO inanimate objects can capture that spirit,

I just am done,
With the bullshit,

I believe in living free,
Therefore,
I feel I must get out of my anxious shell and ADVOCATE,

I’d rather fail at fighting for my rights,
Than to please those who do NOT care about me,

So,
Those above me,
Those who are the bosses and supervisors of me..,
Well..,
They are just the ENEMY,

Man..,
These supervisors think they can just step on me and they think I’ll do nothing about it,
Yet..,
I can also choose,
To..,
Just..,
NOT TAKE IT

Even if I misunderstand it,
I WILL,
Still,
Address IT,

I had enough,
And I AM,

DONE,

With,
Pointless,

BULLSHIT

Now throughout my life,
I’ve taken a lotta shit,
And I am READY,

To join a union,
Who understands it,
..,
Who WILL once,
NOT bully me,
And INSTEAD,
Be there for me,

Ohh I am,
And always have been,
Even if I never knew NOR could put IT into words,
ready

When attempting to let lose,
I struggle to NOT obsessively compulsively explain myself to remind those reading that what I say,
Is NOT meant to be taken literally,
Especially since I’m attempting to talk FIGURATIVELY,

Just another reminder,
For whoever,
May ever,
Might take what I’m trying to say FIGURATIVELY,
LITERALLY,
And get offended,
Unnecessarily

Stay true

I guess…(?)…

Hey man..,
I just want to say,
After all of my craziness,
In addition to what you also go through,
I just wanted to deeply thank you,
For still being there for me,
..,
Such as reminding me,
Of the importance of NOT letting the memories of what those other fucks did to me,
Prevent me,
From moving on with the life I see most fit for me,
..,

In times I needed it the most,
You’d respond to me,
In ways that helped me,
Which I feel is,
Something that most others..,
Weren’t able to do properly,

They couldn’t even send one fucking message to me..,
Even some who said they were “brothers for life”..,
They just flew the fuck outta my life..,
Fuck em,
I don’t need em,

And I feel that sadly,
Too many just made shit worse for me..,
..,
Such as that Romanian drunken composer,
Unhinged karate kid who choke slammed the funny kid,
And let’s not forget that Alhaddin looking narcissistic actor..,
Dumza hum laden..,
Ohh have I forgotten..,

BUT YES,
I will NOT forget,
To FORGET,
Stuff like that and WORSE,
In order,
To move ahead,
And stay the fuck outta my head 👍👍

Yet UNlike ALL those others,
In moments when I needed to be just heard,
You’d listen,
With ZERO insults NOR sadistic criticism,

Knowing what and all I needed in those moments of need,
Has most certainly,
Helped prevent me,
From spirling dangerously,

Fuck those who didn’t even bother to message me,
Of course “who am I to judge”..,
But most importantly,
Those shitheads who wronged me,
Remain in the distant past,
That I’m forgetting increasingly,

..,

Even though I would guess(?),
That it’s more powerful to say less,
Well..,
I just have so much to say,
That words,
I feel,
Just can never be pieced together in a satisfying enough way,
To express how grateful and reassured I feel,
That I still get to hear from ya to this day,
Among others who are still good to me when I’m just acting not okay,

You do NOT egotistically use my excessive manic emotional reactive vulnerability against me,
You know how to handle me,
..,
And well,
I therefore feel I also MUST say,
I deeply feel,
And to keep it REAL,
Your life as a police officer,
ALSO,
MATTERS,

And those,
Are some of the many reasons why,
I felt a need to try to,
Also,
Deeply,

Thank you

I just gotta stand up to this NON-autistic scumbag this time,
I’m just not gonna take it this time,
This time it’s my turn,
To take a step up,
To not stay down as this fuck steps on me,

Time to live more truthfully