Mom I want to additionally thank you for listening,
While (I often feel to perceive that) so many OTHERS seem to feel I “need” more of the “same” type of hardass criticism,

INSTEAD of constantly yelling at me,
You (among a certain few) help me hear and understand what I need to more clearly hear,
INSTEAD of threatening me if I do NOT “obey” what is “suggested” for me,
You INSTEAD help me feel comfortable and heard,
You help me learn from my feelings,
INSTEAD of shaming me for inevitably having them,

While so many OTHER insecure (less anxious) egos may want to hear themselves criticize me until they “had enough” of me,
You truly listen to me,

And (although) what may have a similar effect on most..(?),
May affect me differently..(?),
So I want to sincerely thank you mom,
for ALWAYS,
knowing how to COURAGEOUSLY advocate for me,
In ADDITION to meeting my needs financially,
Among all others I see you to also be there for emotionally,
Who so many others just may feel a “need” to forget about,

Thank you for always and continuing to welcome me in,
While several others at some point just want me permanently out,

And even though I must say it’s “NOT just about me”,
Even though many may NOT understand nearly as patiently compassionately,

Including that nasty moment of eye contact I additionally received from an additional seemingly mainstream old hardass stranger (recently),
In addition to way WORSE painful social encounters I have had (largely) because of my condition(s),

Thank you for having my back,
When another social encounter I interpret as disrespect may by the “straw” that “breaks my back”..,

And even if I want to blame myself,
In addition to my condition(s),
In addition to various moments of social rejection after trying to please those who were always out to socially connect through hilariously busting my balls until they no longer wanted anything to do with me,
Mom,
I want to thank you,
For having and continuing to have powerful peaceful empathy,

And when I felt a need to communicate my best,
When I feel I needed to and need to get something additionally off my chest,
INSTEAD of continuing to challenge me,
INSTEAD of making me feel more misunderstood and INSTEAD of making me feel more emotionally isolated,

Thank you,
For at least helping me feel less alone within myself,
By just,
Truly,
Listening,

And although (I’ll say it again) you’re (understandably) NOT on Instagram,
Thank you mom,
For all you continue to do,
To help me learn,
Regardless of how much EXCESSIVE money several others’ may expect me to earn,

And even though if I may appear to several others as a “hypocrite”,
Who says a lot yet excessively fails to catch himself in the act,

Thank you mom,
For truly,
Helping me learn,

Thank you for peacefully clearly communicating yourself,
So I can (more likely) more clearly understand and remember,
What just may likely help me develop the emotional inner peaceful self-control to survive longer,

Thank you for supporting me in what I try to offer,
For myself,
In addition to whoever,
Such as this additional post right here

Even though the individual who skied straight into the tree,
May have been way cooler and “balanced” than me,

Even though I must also learn how to be “cool” from the neurotypical individual studying for their PhD in astrology,

“Who me??”
No need to take this personally..,

And even though (I feel) stereotypes are fake..,
And that,
We’re all different,
And differently affected by however our (however similar and/or different) life experiences may OR may NOT have affected us..(?),

Well,

I just always feel it’s “me”,
Who..,
Is just..,

“Too damn crazy”

Whether or NOT certain internet social comments were from a “ROBOT” or NOT,
That form of intelligence who told me I’m the “type of guy” who “spreads delusion”,
Made me feel that I must once again..,
“Shut my mouth”,

Same as that other guy who essentially called me a “self-proclaimed loner who’s dumber than rocks”..,
That woman who called me a “piece of shit”,
The other who called me a “wise-ass” and “arrogant”,
That guy who told me to “go back to sleep” in my “basement”,
The other guy who said he’ll “smack the living hell out of me” and then claimed he “did ‘NOT’ say anything ‘threatening’ to me”,
The person who called me a “soy boy”,
Another who said “get lost little boy”,
The guy who said I’m “dumber than” he “thought”,
Etc.. etc.. etc..,

And even though that’s just the “tip of the iceberg”, And even though consistently practicing “letting go” may give me more energy to do what’s truly better for me..,

Well..,
Of course I feel..,
We’re all entitled to our opinion(s),
And maybe I can be grateful that I have NOT yet and most likely may NEVER meet them in person..,

Wow..,
Although I guess the internet has “brought us together”,
Well..,
In what ways are we really “getting to know and ‘understand’ each other”..(?),

And I do believe in technology,
Yet..,
I don’t know..,
In what ways can we really be INSTEAD using it..?

I presently feel that:

Some cultures may (more likely) scold more openly,
While others talk shit in a way that’s brilliantly sneaky,

And although it may be “not the bad”,
That does NOT really change the effect it just may have had..?

And sometimes the energy may blast out uncontrollably,
Such as when I came unprepared to work,
And my boss said “it’s alright”,
Yet then yelled “HOW COME EVERYONE’S AN ASS!!?”,
When I was out of sight,

And well,
At least it ain’t as bad as before..,

Yet sometimes,
I just do NOT want to feel to be taking it,
Anymore,

And yeah..,

Why is everyone an “ass” ?

When others may maliciously try to take what I say out of context,
You stick around to support me,
Thank you as always and again,
For staying there for me

I feel that it has:

Been hard to train my mind,
When more CLEVERLY aware minds,
Just wanted to play with my slowly developing mind,

And I feel that,
In order to train my mind,
I must NOT be under my mind’s control,

For example,
I must do better at remembering to,
Inhale,
Exhale,
And continue to witness,
And expand my awareness,
Beyond the emotionally intense thoughts that may always and however often painfully pass through my mind,

Oh it’s been so much harder putting it into “proper” practice..,

To also think LESS excessively,
And MORE clearly intelligently,

And thank you mom,
For truly seeing and helping meet my needs,
More clearly,
More patiently,

And even if I continue to troll,
Fail to cultivate inner peaceful self-control,
Fail to be more independent,
Well UNlike so many,

Thank you for NOT making stuff worse for me,
When others did NOT have the strength to remain kind towards me,

I feel that,
You have and continue to set an awesome example,
By continuing to empathetically teach through example,

Not to have anyone else take this “personally”,
Yet I just wanted to additionally share,
What I have to appreciate that’s ALSO there,

Even if I have been over-sharing,
Even though you’re (understandably) NOT presently on this social media platform,
I still as always,
Want to try remembering and sharing what I have to appreciate as always,

Others may ask,
“Is he alright”?
In order to imply I’m “Irreparably” crazy and deeply exclude me permanently out of sight,

And mom,
Thanks for remaining there for me,
However often or not,
When I just have NOT been well,

Love you

I plan to NEVER again,
Be manipulated into providing a kind explanation,
To any others,
Who will mistreat then reject me,

As for those who I thought were “friends”,
and tried to bully me into secrecy,

I will “tell my mom”,
How dare they try,
To take away my FREEDOM,
of emotional support from someone,
who understands me more,

Fuck them,
Maybe they claim to “understand”,
But action makes me see,
That my mom was and is,
FAR MORE,
truly there for me,

And although my mom is not on this platform,
And although it is not yet Mother’s Day,
I wanted to additionally share,
What I have to appreciate,
Every day

Hi mom,
Thank you for being a real friend,

Unlike those who come and go,

You’re there and still here for me,
You’re polite when I express openly,
You deeply support me financially while also being there emotionally,
You’ve courageously advocated for me and continue to,

Something that myself and several others just do NOT seem to be able to do,

So I just wanted to thank you for being you

Why give another disclaimer to someone who will just permanently reject us..?

Oh man..,
What else am I “NOT allowed” to say..(!?),

And even though today is not yet Mother’s Day,

I have so much to appreciate each day,

Thank you mom,
For always remaining here,
Along the way

Even if I’m a “grown-ass momma’s boy”..(?),
Well..,
May it NOT make me feel more emotionally “imbalanced”..,

Several other egos may pretend to “care”,
Yet YOU did NOT need to reassure me you will be there,
Because your actions have and continue to show it,

And well,
Given the upcoming holiday,
Here’s something I have to say:

Since I’d guess(?) there’s a decent amount of other creatively written forms of expression(s) titled “Everyday”,
My obsessive fear of accidental “plagiarism” told me to make a different title,
Although every day,
(Aside from conventionally celebrated holidays),
I have so much to be grateful for,
That I may forget,
Which I feel I MUST remember can really help me survive through the day,
If I look deeply,
If I really look deeply..,

And,
Although you’re NOT on this platform,
Although my emotions may react too fast,
Increasing chances of my survival awareness flying dangerously far off track..(?),
..,
Although I feel I often may fail to go “slow and steady” since I often feel I’ll lose again anyway..(?),
Well,
Here’s something I still felt a need to share,
Something that I have to appreciate,
Every day,
In addition to the upcoming holiday,

And even if I forget what I have to appreciate daily,
Even if the negative forces blind me,
Well..,
There is also someone,
UNlike so many,
Who is truly there for me,

Even though I may presently NOT be nearly as financially and/or NOT as materialistically “successful” as most parents may “prefer”..,
?

Even though externally I may appear (to several others) as the biggest “fuck up” who “wasted” all he was “blessed to have”..(?),
And even if I fail to “do better” if I ever plan to have kids..,
Which as of now I do NOT,

Because I’m NOT going to take on a crucial responsibility,
if NOT ready,
REGARDLESS of how severely others may judge me..(?),
And I know it’s “easier said” evidently..,

Well,
Incase I forget to thank you on the certain day when everyone else may expect it..(?),
I want to say,
That every day,
I can remind myself,
How blessed I truly feel to be,
To have you as a mom,
Who NOT ONLY has supported me economically,
Yet who (for example) has ALSO advocated for me courageously,
Who has truly known what’s best for me,
Who was ALSO there emotionally,
And strongly continues to be,

Who continues to be a true friend,
Who continues to understand,
When so many others have just “had enough”,

And so many may NOT want me to “tell my mom”,
Because they have something to hide,
Because they’re insecure and like feeling power by giving me orders,

And well,
Since I feel so many just (seemingly) do NOT have the time,
Nor energy to want to put up with me,
Well,
You were and are always a more TRUE FRIEND,

Most others just may come and go,
Yet you stay strong for me,
In so many ways,
Infinitely beyond what is infinitely artistically “clearer to convey”,
Every day,

Every day,

And although it’s NOT YET Mother’s Day,
Although I may have so much more to say,
In a “clearer and clearer” way..,
In addition to the upcoming holiday,
?

I feel I can remind myself,
That you are still here with me,
To compassionately help me in my own most uniquely needed ways,
Through each day,
Every day,

Every day,

And I hope NO others reading this take it the “wrong way”,
Yet..,
I just wanted to share,
Something I have to be grateful for,
Day by day,

Thanks for reading