Similar to what I said in my post titled “Letting it Settle”,
If I kindly confront those who attack me..,
Like saying,
“Please don’t talk to me disrespectfully”,
Well,
I feel that they WILL have a NASTY COMEBACK,
Invariably..,

Being a nice guy just does NOT seem to be helping me,
And I ALSO feel that it is IMMORAL to step on others while climbing up any hierarchical ladder (or I guess Pyramid..(?)),

Yet,
Since those days of me being a pushover are over,
Since too many people above me have NOT fairly given back the respect I have given them,
Well,
I just might have to report this certain warehouse manager,
To HR,

Instead of how I was in my past,
It is TIME I try to become STRONGER,
And NOT take shit any longer..,

Regardless of whatever happens,
I just feel that I WILL feel more free,
If I do NOT just let others step on me,
Why shut down to some scumbag authority!?

Essentially..,

Of course,
To make it more clear why I get “overly offended” by little shit,
It’s because I struggle to let go of so many memories of people being just straight up nasty to me,
So that’s WHY I may sometimes get VERY offended by even the smallest forms of what I interpret as meanness..,

And well,
It does frustrate me,
That EVEN others who may DEEPLY understand this,
Will still be mean to me,
Will still act carelessly impatiently..,
Will use me to blast their misery..,
That I did NOT cause OBVIOUSLY!!

I’m just,
Done taking bullshit..,

And oh man..,
If I go to HR..,
I’m just going to have so much more to write about..,
I’ll just have to be ready,
For WAR,

Yeah peace I believe in ideally,
And I ALSO fail constantly,
So if need be,
I tried to write my complaints succinctly,
So I have a missal stored in my GOOGLE DOCUMENTS,
Ready in launching position,
And will fire the letter to HR,
To fire at that store manager if he keeps taking out his anger on me..,

Shiiit..,
Staying peaceful hasn’t stayed easy

I feel that:

Sometimes people are able to live in the present,
And feel zero need to put it into words,
And that’s okay,

I find trying to put the truth I feel I see into words,
And that’s okay,

Maybe sometimes people know the way,
And have nothing to say,
And that’s okay,

Sometimes people can just “live it”,
And feel no need to word it,
Which is okay,

Yet for me,
Words have helped me..,

I just may,
Do it differently,

And I feel,

That’s okay,

Either way,
It’s all good,
I must say

No matter how bad or frequently someone eradicates the vibe,
I can still have peace inside,

Yes,
No matter how bad someone kills the vibe,
I can still remain at peace inside,

No matter how rough of a ride,
I can still find balance inside,

No matter how immensely I’m drowning,
I still feel it’s possible,
If I really believe,
If I really try,
To,
Feel,
At least somewhat,
Peaceful,

So I want to once again emphasize,
No matter how bad someone kills the vibe,
I can still have peace,
Inside,

Instead of getting caught up in,
I can notice the inner sensations,
And therefore resist less,
And accept more of what I can not change,
I would guess..,
?

And yep,
I struggle with this,
Have frequently failed at this,
And therefore must keep trying to..,
Practice

Because I have learning and anxiety struggles,
I screw up a lot,
So if you’re looking for another to yell at,
I’m your guy,

I’ll come unprepared,
I’ll send up the wrong stuff,
I’ll create a jam that fucks up the whole process,
..,
So if you’re feeling deeply miserable and angry,
You’ll have a perfect opportunity to verbally abuse me,
..,
And maybe ask yourself subsequently,
“Do I now feel happy?”

Yet the price you may pay,
Is that,
The same part of me,
That feels the same deep hopeless pain and misery,
May try to get back at you,
ONE DAY,

?

So I feel I also must remind you,
To,
Choose,
Wisely

One time when I politely told someone,
“Please don’t talk to me that way”,
The response I got was,
“Okay Zach how about this? GO FUCK YOURSELF!!”..,

So evidently,
When we’re faced with negativity,
If we try to fight it,
It may respond aggressively,

?

I feel:
It’s blind,
Out of control,
And ready to attack what is peaceful,

So,
I feel to not make it worse,
I just have to,
Not react and just,

Let it settle

I do NOT feel I (always) receive the kind energy I put out,
So saying I “receive the energy I put out”,
Or..
“The energy we put out in the world is the energy we get back”,
(Source: Goodreads, Quote by Oprah Winfrey)
Etc, etc..,
..,
I sometimes feel is part true,
Rarely completely true,
And others times,
Complete bullshit..,

The reality that I see,
Even if I’m kind as can be,
Is that I can NOT control how others treat me,

I feel that:
Of course being kind may reduce the possibility of receiving worse negativity,
However,
I feel there is NEVER any total guarantee,
That I will receive the same type of kind energy I may put out externally,

So once again,
I have to keep trying to find and develop peace within..,

And well..,
I feel,
It’s just not easy,
While NOT being able to avoid others miserable,
Temperamental,
And/or various forms of out of control energy,

Yet,
I still believe,
Good energy may make it MORE likely I’ll have it fairly in return,
Yet the possibility that this is NOT always (or may not often(?)) be the case,
I feel,
Can be a hard lesson to learn,

Now of course,
I also feel,
Finding peace within,
Among an environment I can NOT control,
Is the best I can do..,

And well,
I feel,
It just has NOT felt easy,
Feeling that I do NOT receive the energy I put out too frequently..,
..,
Yet if I were to be negative and aggressive (for example),
Since I feel that’ll just make stuff,
Harder for me..,
I still keep trying,
Even though I may occasionally fail miserably..,
At growing within myself and therefore putting out real peaceful energy..,

So even if I do NOT receive the energy I put out fairly in return..,
Well..,
Trying to stay in control,
And trying to actually feel more peaceful,
Is all I can continue attempting..,
Even though I’ve been struggling..,

So yep,
I feel a lot of truths,
And/or lessons..,
Can be hard realizing,

Yet hopefully if we keep properly practicing,
It’ll hopefully get easier eventually,
..,
And although (I feel) receiving what we put out is not guaranteed,
I still wish it may feel..,
More guaranteed..,

Yup,

And of course,
Since I feel it’s the right thing to try to do and,
To NOT increase my chances of receiving energy that is WAY worse,
Even if I do NOT receive the kindness I put out,
I still feel I’m responsible,
To,
Keep,
Being kind..,

Yup,

If I do NOT receive the energy I wish to receive in return,
I’ll still try to keep putting it out,

And of course..,
I strongly feel it’s NOT and has NOT felt easy,
I therefore may still get provoked and offended deeply,
And therefore fail miserably,
At being “the change I wish to see”..,
..,
Yet I feel it’s the best I can do to NOT make what I presently can NOT control worse for me

I guess fair respect,
Can be too much to expect..?

I try to treat others how I want to be treated,
Because I feel it’s right,
Because I easily feel intimidated,
..,
Because if I speak my truth,
I’ll put myself in a line of fire,
And I can’t beat any authority figure..,

Sometimes I do NOT say what I must because I do NOT want to get cursed at (or worse),
And sometimes NOT saying anything,
or saying it too late,
causes me to get cursed at (or worse),

Sometimes I can “take it”,
other times I’m in too fragile of a place,

Sometimes I can take it,
Other times I too easily shatter,

Sometimes I can block it out,
Other times I can NOT suppress any more,
And the emotions just uncontrollably blast out,

I just have to check in within,
And watch out,

I’m NOT trying to be “tough”,
I’m NOT asking for everyone to be my “therapist”,
I’m just trying to receive the respect I give,
Especially to those with direct power over me

Wow I guess I feel “butthurt”,
Over the term “butthurt”,
Because if I get “offended about what I should not be offended about”,
Then therefore something is “wrong with me”,
So that term may just sound like a criticism to me..?

And well,
Not that it’s a “bad term”,
Sure it may be needed occasionally (if not frequently(?))..,

Like I’m NOT a fan of cancel culture on all sides..,

Yet..,
Instead of criticizing others for getting offended,
Why don’t others offer techniques to others in order to get LESS offended..?
..,
Okay well..,
Why don’t people at least empathize instead of being dickheads and criticize others for feeling “over-sensitive” therefore (possibly) sometimes implying having a warlike (or I guess aggressive) mentality is just the way to be..,
Or are those who are ready to fight perpetually the ones being “butthurt” so easily..?
Regardless..,
I don’t think criticism will reduce the amount the “snowflakes” of the world get “butt hurt”,

Sometimes what is MINOR,
May just be a TRIGGER,
For a bunch of past memories,
Where being offended was totally valid..,
?

Sometimes if someone was unjustifiably disrespected too often throughout their whole life,
Even the slightest form of disrespect may easily make them more “unjustifiably offended”..,
..,
So being frustrated with them is understandable,
Yet,
Apparently being more chill and less offended does NOT always come naturally,
Such as if you’re someone like me who has emotional “hypersensitivity”,
And who has been mistreated to a greater degree..,
..,
Yeah..,
Having autism hasn’t felt easy..,
I’d rather feel more happy and less “butthurt” constantly.,,

Of course I wish I did NOT get offended as easily..,
I wish stuff would not “weigh in me”,
Yet getting mad at me for being “butthurt” just has nothing helpful to offer me,
I’ll just get more “butthurt” honestly..,

Huhh..,

I just get offended,
When I don’t receive the same level of kindness,
From the exact others I give it to,

And I get it,
I just have to keep trying to accept that I just can NOT force others to treat me how I want to be treated,
Even if I treat them how I want to be treated..,

Just to throw it out there..,
Maybe focusing on my “inner body sensations”,
And being less caught up in my mind’s negativity,
Will make me feel less “butt hurt”,
So I do NOT get derailed as easily..,
??
Easier said than properly done obviously..,

Clearly,
When I’m going through a lot,
Then yep,
Sometimes even what I “should not be offended about”,
Throws me off so instantly..,

I wish I never had “hypersensitivity”,
I wish I would never feel “butt hurt” so easily,
Yet criticizing me for feeling “unjustifiably offended” aka “butthurt”..,
Just has nothing to teach me,
Which would otherwise help me feel “butt hurt” less easily..,

I just want to CHILL evidently,
And I can NOT rely on others to help me,
I can NOT control how others treat me…
So I..,
Just once again,
Have to find more and longer lasting peace within

Presently I feel:

I need to get my shit together again,
By regaining focus on a job I hate,
(Which is all of them),
Among those who can’t relate,
(Which is most of them),

I’d rather fight for what is wrong,
Than to not fight at all,

I’d rather aspire in a wrong direction,
Than sink into crushing depression,

I need to try something meaningful,
Which might not be as crowd pleasing,
..,
Even if I get sucked into some conspiracy theory social meetup group..,
At least I’m not hopelessly spirling deeper in a never-ending depressive obsessive compulsive loop,

I feel I must remember,
I can once again choose how to live my life,
Among any inevitable location,
And situation,
I’m presently experiencing,
As different waves of different emotions,
Waves of different forms and levels of awareness and unawareness..,
Keep forming and crashing,

Even if I fail on a grand scale,
At least trying,
To align with and find truth,
To me feels..,

More liberating

I believe that,
Those who are the saddest,
Are most likely to act the evilest,

Those who are feeling the most down,
Are most likely to bring others down,
(Since pain feeds off of pain riiight..(?)),

I believe,
Really,
Really taking a clear look,
At how to access and sustain deep respect for ourselves and which we can emanate to those around us is most important,

Yet..,
Just to throw it out there,
Based on what I feel I mostly witnessed,
Not everyone agrees..,

Or most just,
“See it differently”,
Unfortunately