I obsessively feel a need to post that I presently feel that:

Yes,
As far as I know,
I only experience living at least “once”,

Yet I believe,
The deeper source that I manifest from,
That after going back into it,
Well,
I can manifest from again,
And again,

(On earth or wherever..),

I believe,
(To put it figuratively..),
I may form as a wave,
Then crash on the shore,
(Or wherever),
Yet,
As I go back into the total life essence (and/or) consciousness,
Well..,
I’d say I may always form as a wave again..?

(Source: https://youtu.be/mMRrCYPxD0I)

So even though I believe I can never completely know..,
Well..,
Maybe..,
Just maybe..(?),
..,
I’ll form out from the ocean of life energy as a wave,
Then topple over..,
Or die..(?),
Then will be back as the source of consciousness I came from,
And of course then,
Manifest again,
As a separate manifestation and/or combined with however many other waves previously formed and died,
Yet are now forming again,
And again,
And again,

And yes,
I hope that whatever we do now,
Always causes,
Ongoing present sentient physical manifesting,
To become,
Better and better..,

Yet regardless of the case,
Well,
Among all else I wish for,
I just wish for,
Ongoing,

Peace

Before I get into it,
I want to say that,
Even though I may regret how I word stuff in certain ways,
Even though I may regret,
In whatever ways,
Writing I made public in whatever ways..,
Well..,
Just thought I’d say,
I hope this is in some way relatable,
Understandable,
I try speaking deeply yet (I guess(?)) in general,
And I do NOT intend to get divisively political,
And I do NOT intend to say stuff that creates and/or exacerbates a damaging effect,
Such as increasing the likelihood of others becoming more destructively emotional..(?),
(If (and only if) it’s ever a possibility..(?)),
And I hope what I just said there is logical..(?),
Even if what I share does not read well (such as) however figurative and/or literal..,
Well,
My intentions are to try to be helpful,

And well,
Others may (as they say) “nitpick”,
Other egos may nefariously scrutinize,
Other egos may dig deep to capitalize,
On my imperfections,
By making me feel bad,
So they can feel “superior”..,
?
And well,
As for building a community,
I feel I must remain as SAFE as I can,
I feel I must respond as properly as I can (if I can NOT avoid it),
I feel I must be as consciously aware as I can,
To find,
To build,
To add to,
The (as they say(?)) “conscious community”,
That’ll,
Most profoundly,
Support me,

Whatever I may be doing,
With whoever else in the community,
Well,
I wish for helpful energy..,
For myself among all of the community..,

I additionally feel:

If I do NOT find the right tools,
To build a steady community..?
Well..,
What will the effects MORE likely be?
And when will time likely catch up to me?

Does being around those who just give me advice and criticism (without showing me how)..,
Help me,
Build inner peace and equanimity?

As for me..,
Is feeling alone in inner peace development work,
Really going to work?

Is feeling a need,
To fake positivity,
To suppress what I feel a need to express,
Going to one day,
Cause me to emotionally explode violently?
Causing destruction to the community?
And myself,
Especially?

I feel,
It’s felt hard,
Feeling stuck in,
While not trusting the mainstream,
NOR several “better” alternatives..,

Instead of finding peace in the present..,
I often worry,
I may get more vulnerable,
Desperate and delusional,
Then sign up for something that goes against EVERYTHING my parents taught me,

Then the authority I signed for,
May then show up at the door,
And force me away,
??
..,
And that’ll be it,
And I’ll have to let go,
Of all I been through,
To make it somewhere else..,
..,
And I just may wonder here and there,
If and when,
I’ll ever again,
Manifest as a human(?),

I feel,
I’ll really,
Must have to let go,
So I do NOT add inner painful resistance,
To the inevitable present experience,
Of them forcing me to survive until I die in training or as a fully developed killing machine..,

Oh having more ethical peaceful power is something I dream..,
Yet..,
The reality..,
Just presently seems to be,
That I’m struggling to build community,
That feels truest to me,
That feels satisfyingly in alignment with what I often see,
As my integrity,

Huhh..,
I feel,
I need more and more safety and survival focus,
To build,
To find,
Deeper and deeper,
The community,
That most deeply,
Serves me,
In this present manifestation I’m in,

Ohhh..,
I feel,
It just RARELY feels to come,
Fairly,
easy,

It’s felt hard excessively,
And of course,
I feel I must remind myself,
Once again,
And again after that,
That,
Wherever I’m at,
Externally..,
I can still,
Develop my search,
For at least,
Some peace,
Within me

Please don’t take it the wrong way,

Well,
Here’s what I feel I have to say:

I’m neurodivergent,
I come from a non-mainstream environment,
And most of my family is more than a thousand miles away,
And I can go on and on with why I struggle in certain ways..,

Please don’t take this the wrong way,

I’m just trying to be honest,
Without hurting anyone,

I’m trying to say it how it is,
Without hurting anyone..,

It’s what my posts are about,

I hope to help,
And welp,
No matter what I say,
I can’t please anyone,
So I just must accept,
That someone just may,

Always take it,

The wrong way

?

They’re trained,
In many ways,
That to me,
I find..,
Well,
Here’s some stuff I feel that comes to my mind:

They’re trained to lie,
They’re trained to cruelly “justify”,

They’re trained to add damaging pain,
To anyone who expresses that they felt damaged or offended,
By how they were treated,
By them..,

They’re trained to throw punches,
Shots,
Or whatever,
Instead of helping recover,

They’re trained to say “it was not that bad”,
And they can no longer see,
How they’re mad,

They’re trained to manipulate,
They’re trained to brainwash,
They’re trained to gaslight,
They’re trained to categorize and dismiss,

They’re trained to trigger other’s emotions,
They’re trained to get adrenaline pumping,
They’re trained to block out rational thinking,

They’re trained to NOT acknowledge why and what they do,
They’re trained to unquestionably respond,
To how others respond to what they do,
Which includes,
The energy they dominate,
Such as the energy of dangerously excessive fear and hate..,
They just insatiably perpetuate,

They’re trained to follow orders,
They’re trained to join with,
Instead of question within,

They’re trained to die,
They’re trained to lie,
They’re trained to block out,
They’re trained to torture and knock out,
And,
They can never see,
How their training,
Has eradicated,
So much of their humanity,

They’re trained to live out of balance,
They’re trained to drown in immense fear,
They’re trained to assume the worst,
They’re trained to respond with anger,

They’re trained,
In ways they cannot see,
They’re trained in darkness,
They’re trained to block out,
So much,
Oh what could instead,
Profoundly,
Help,
Their existence,

They’re trained to feed,
Any forms,
Of the individual and/or collective ego,
And who are they?
Well,
It just may,
Be any,
Of us

?

I agree that,
As they say,
There’s a,
“Time and Place”,
For everything,
So I feel it’s time,
In this online place,
In this (as of right here, right now) internet safe space,
That I share,
More of what I feel a need,
To put out there..,

Therefore,

I feel that,
Many people feel a NEED for damaging pain,
For whatever reasons,
Such as due to building up pain tolerance(?),
Such as due to feeling they “deserve” it..(?),
Or however they may look and describe their experience(s) of it..(?),

And I feel so many others,
Feel a need,
To give pain to others,
Such as trying to make up for insecurity..,
And/or whatever the infinite explanations might be..(?),

To me it seems:
Some are sadistic(?),
Others,
Masochistic(?),
Others both..(?),
Which I guess referring to an individual,
Aside from the situation,
That’ll be..,
“Sado-masochistic”,
Or can I also say..(?),
“Maso-sadistic”..(?),
..,
Or does the fancy word “sadomasochism” pertain to a specific context like one that is sexual (for example(?))..,
Can I like..,
Broaden the context..?
I do NOT see why NOT..(?),
Oh whatever..,

I guess(?),
A point I hope to make sufficiently CLEAR is that..,

Yes..,
We all have dark sides,
Yet,
What percentage is the dark side manifesting?

Just asking what I feel is needed for considering..,

Huhh..,
I struggle to find and REMAIN in surroundings,
Where it’s easier for me to find,
And sustain,
Peace,
Most of the time..,

Yet I feel I just..,

Keep trying,

I feel,
Of course,
No one is perfect,
And that,
There’s a time and a place for everything,
And I believe it is crucial,
To be aware,
Of what is,
Truly,

Occurring,

I guess(?) we may feel stuck in a certain place a percentage of the time,
And we may experience,
and/or act,
and/or respond,
A certain,
Percentage of the time,

??

And I hope,
We’re sufficiently aware,
A sufficient,
Time percentage,

I feel,
There’s infinite possible forms of craziness,
In any percentages,
..,
And well,
Regardless of whatever and wherever I can NOT avoid,
Well,
I hope for growing peace,

Inside

Did I get the title right?

Whatever..,

I presently feel:

I manifest as a physical form of energy,
Then go back into the source of life energy,
To manifest wherever elsewhere..,

And I’m no different,
Never get “enough” attention,
I just come in,
And go out,
The same way,
In my own way,

As they all do..,

Huhh..,

What can I do ?

Why not just(?),
Think LESS,
And only when NECESSARY,
And just,
Chill out..,
?

Seriously

I feel that:
Of course,
The word “right”,
Is quite,
Broad,
Is quite,
subjective,

Lots of viewpoints to see it from..,
Right?

Yet even though,
I may not be as equipped and aware financially,
Well,
May parents did so much for me,

As for raising an autistic kid,
Well,
I’d say it especially,
Ain’t easy,

And as for the type of autistic kid I was,
Well,
I came a long way,
So I feel,
My parents raised me,
The right way,

So I’d say,
They taught me to question,
And examine,
The life I’m in,

Instead of telling me to always trust authority,
Instead of never questioning the military,
The drug industry,
And/or whatever hierarchy,
They taught me,
The importance,
Of seeing deeply what freedom,
Truly means to me,

Sure,
I may be FAR from perfect,
I may not have the best career,
I may not be successful financially,
And well,
I feel there’s other ways that they and whoever else,
May be,
Proud of me,

Such as,
How hard I try,
To share what I feel a need to share,
Including this,
Which I intend to be helpful for whoever reads this,
As they also pass through existence,

And well,
Instead of just being another typical careerist,
I try to sufficiently pursue,
To me,
What I presently see as morally truest,

Others may view me as a “loser”,
Yet,
Even if I am in whatever (if not all) context(s)..(?),
Why should I care what others think..(?),
Instead of being true,
To what I clearly,
Deeply,
View,
?

So always questioning,
And taking a look,
At whatever I continue experiencing,
Is what I feel I must,
Continue trying,

And well,
Regardless of how much others may disagree,
I feel,
My parents,
Raised me right,

And I will continue to do,
Whatever it is,
I presently view,
As,
Deeply,

Right

Does discipline always have to be for killing?
Does being “disciplined” have to be traumatizing and/or emotionally damaging?
Or can we cultivate discipline for inner peace development?
That’ll also emanate externally?

I would guess most will ignore this(?),
And if they understand it..,
It still may NOT change NOR have any NEEDED effects on them(?),
Yet I just wish being disciplined,
And however “getting our shit together”,
And/or “taking responsibility”,
Had a deeper emphasis on peace,

I guess(?) I can always go on and on,
Yet,
I’ll just add that:

I feel the MORE inner peaceful we are,
The LESS weighed down we’ll be inwardly,
Since (for example) we’ll be carrying less inner toxic tension,
So therefore,
The more inwardly peaceful we are,
The more strength we’ll have to keep going,
And the more LIKELY we’ll NOT lose ourselves emotionally,
Hence,
We’re more likely to (additionally) have peace externally,

Yet,
In my opinion,
Peace,
Takes discipline,

And since the MORE inner peace we have,
Since we’re LESS weighed down internally from damaging inner tension such as inner toxic violent energy(?),
The MORE ability we can THEREFORE attain,
To do and/or experience whatever we experience (for example),

So yeah,
To be real,
I feel,
The more peaceful we are,
The more disciplined we are,

I guess I can always somehow reward that(?),
(Or a lot of new stuff that infinitely comes to mind..(?)),
But I’ll just add that..,
Or I’ll repeat to I guess try to CLEARLY emphasize that(?),
I believe,
Peace takes discipline,

Of course,
I believe,
(Since (especially in this context) health implies peace..(?)),
The more healthy our approach is to finding peace,
The more peaceful we’ll be,

In my belief,
The more peaceful we are,
The more meaningfully,
Truly disciplined,
We are

I feel I have perceived that:

Some people are upset they couldn’t go to the beach,
Or that they couldn’t enjoy the summer,
Or whatever,
How they normally did,
How they expected,

Well,
If they are upset because whatever they wanted to happen did not happen,
Well,
Sometimes I feel,
So much of the life,
If NOT all of the awesome life I could HAVE lived,
Just did NOT happen,

And well,

I always just keep trying to,
Make it happen

I feel:

I know progress is infinite,
I know we can NOT ever be “perfect”,
Yet..,
Let’s just try NOT being dangerously far from it,

Let’s hold others accountable in ways that are compassionate and civil,
Ohh yes,
Especially the powerful,

And well,
Although these are just some ideas and/or forms of my expression,
Well,
I wish that this,
Including whatever and however I may have to share,
At least,
Somewhat helps lead to more,
Needed,

Action