People are fed different information and believe what’s most comforting since they don’t want to deal with difficult emotional feeling, But if we deny what is real we can’t heal how we feel, Just saying..

The less we open, The less we discover, For a conscious experience that’s better, Just saying..

It’s.. Emotion over reason, Convenience over truth, Impulsiveness over inner healing, Entertainment over spiritual commitment, And many spiritual gatherings seem part of an institutional corporate establishment.. Just saying..

I need to better research it.. But I sense it.. And sometimes we feel it, even if we don’t remember the facts to back it.. If anything, you can start by “googling” it.. And hopefully come across a source that’s funded “by the people, for the people” and not, “for profit”.. You might be able to somewhat tell by level of advertisement? Just saying..

But I’m trying to do more researching.. Even though following sports and drinking may be more tempting, Which those in power prefer me pursuing, Since they don’t want us knowing what they’re doing.. (For me the sport I’d be spectating would be juggling if not snowboarding, which also includes competitions, commentating and advertising..) Just saying..

The powerful are just reacting to what’s externally gratifying instead of inwardly healing the discomfort which is causing the impulsive power seeking, The vicious cycle just keeps repeating.. Just saying..

And they have their own history which they’re suppressing I’m guessing.. ? They seek power to cover up the difficult feeling, Control is their addiction, They dismiss redirecting attention, All they learned is to externally seek pleasurable sensation.. Even if it’s medication to block out inner frustration.. It’s how most beings reacted to their environment, and then came the power seeking, inner truth dismissing establishments.. Just saying..

The poor buy into the culture they can’t or can barely afford, I can’t afford being a sucker anymore.. I heard from my dad that I don’t get full employment since the CEOs would have to pay for my healthcare since they wouldn’t pay us enough to afford it if they were to give us full employment.. So if a box were to fall on my head due to bad luck while unloading the truck, I might just end up brain dead? Just saying..

But I don’t plan to stay at my job forever unless the conditions get better, My boss understands, And if I try to unionize I would have to make a sacrifice since those in power would afflict torture or kill me since they’re addicted to power due to being conditioned in a culture that does not look to personally better themselves.. since they didn’t need too since they most probably weren’t “on the spectrum”.. Since they had good business social skills and “executive functioning”, Since they found a way to make thousands, even millions an hour sitting at a desk.. Since they found their independent private comfort zone, I wonder if they call themselves Christians? Just saying..

Well.. My presence in this culture isn’t working, Although my basic survival needs were met, I don’t want to give back to what gave me misery and bullying.. I wonder how Betsy DeVos and her brother Erik Prince are doing? I wish we were all less OCD and more like the Little Prince, Just saying..

I think they’d be more concerned about Jeremy Scahill, Who’s far more courageous, and knowledgeable, in the face of the powerful.. An autistic guy with a blog that barely anyone follows isn’t as threatening, Just saying..

All I can give forth is my ideas which I struggle to embody myself and don’t feel most will listen to or apply for themselves.. since many found their self-sustaining comfort zone.. And I repeated “self-sustaining comfort zone” for emphasis.. And fear of harsh criticism of my writing causes excessive disclaiming.. Just saying..

I doubt the fire department will be a good fit.. I know different first responder departments are different and I’ve had bad experiences in groups which created negative assumptions, judgment, fear and self-sustaining discouragement, But honestly, I’m just the awkward sensitive guy who “doesn’t get it”.. And most don’t give a shit since they’re also struggling to survive and stay necessarily fit.. Just saying..

It’s too bad, sad, I try not to get mad since that just makes it worse, I try to let go instead of suppressing so I don’t develop physical health problems due to stress, and so I don’t break emotionally, I don’t trust those who don’t properly help themselves to help me, And evidently I don’t trust those whose purpose is to make more money than they need.. Just saying..

They’ll just give me medication and lock me up while they plan for their next vacation, while they give millions to a power seeking politician, all to continue the cycle of drug-induced and/or material external gratification to block out inner painful frustration, I will become trapped in the cultural institution which they control as well as being unconsciously trapped in themselves.. Just saying..

It’s hard, “Accepting the inevitable”.. It could be better, But it’s not.. And it could be, We can redirect our attention away from addiction, Just saying..

We can be true to what’s within instead of just trying to fit in, We can better handle isolation, We can be courageous and appreciate preparing for any inevitable situation, Just saying..

Those who run the institutions they’re unconsciously trapped in can evolve their incentives and intentions, As one of my maintenance supervisor’s who was an assistant to the head, said, “Team work makes the dream work”, Just saying..

I hope any sayings, ideas, references and rhymes I may have used in this and similar contexts worked.. I’m trying my best to make it work, Just saying..

I believe in FREE SPEECH but I’m against bullying, So I decided I’m not ready to allow non WordPress.com users to comment, Since for me, what others say may destroy me, Especially if many people attack me collectively.. It’s happened a lot already, This writing I take seriously,

If I was a leader, of course I must prepare for any type of criticism.. Of course I must allow free speech to not deprive anyone of freedom, But I don’t have any power over any other, So.. Please read, but if you can’t comment.. I hope you understand..

Too often my weaknesses have been used against me for others to feel better about themselves, Too often.. I’ve been the victim of power trips by other egos trying and succeeding to feel above, in control and more powerful than another which happened to be me..

I’m trying to market myself but I don’t want to emotionally harm myself, So I must proceed with caution,

I’d rather fail than not try, But I hope to not get permanently damaged, I hope to not get institutionalized, I hope to NOT yet die,

As I said, I believe in free speech, I don’t believe in harming others, I believe in speech that’s free and supportive,

The more who we give the opportunity of speaking to, The more likely we’ll learn and discover what we didn’t know before, Since more have the opportunity to offer, So hopefully we use our freedom for doing good, It’s a cliche, But hopefully it’s more the reality one day if not in this present moment today,

As of now this is my decision regarding comments, Letting go and not being affected by other’s statements is something I need to get more consistent at..

It’s just where I’m at

When I have goals that I don’t need to achieve, That just self-absorbs me out of the present, I believe if goals are needed, Then they’re a good goal, Such as essentials for survival, NOT JUGGLING 7 BALLS OR WINNING A GAME OF FOOTBALL

Writing poetry doesn’t always feel like a need, But honestly, I can’t always tell what I need

I’m lucky I didn’t have to wait many years in life-threatening hell to arrive legally anywhere, I already said I wasn’t there, But everyday, I’m waiting, For a better non-autistic, non-future and past obsessively focused life,

This one wasn’t worth it, But it’s still changing, It’s still improving, If I’m accurately understanding,

Although I’m free, I see it differently internally

Judgments like.. “Liberal” and “Conservative” keep us Divided instead of United, Power to the people hopefully will be more cultural.. So many, even in this country, seem desperate and want to be babied by the insatiably rich and powerful since that’s all they know..

Yep..

I get it, What if talking political research was more cultural than analyzing baseball, basketball and football?

Yes.. there’s nothing wrong with sports but if we’re out of balance in the wrong direction then how can we make the most out of life?

In my case..

“If you look hungry you’ll go hungry” because you’ll look desperate and crazy so they’ll cut you off even more and you’ll get even more desperate and crazy unless you stop denying your problems like a baby, Stop trying to get saved like a baby, Stop acting like a baby when you NEED to be babied.. Aside from these hardass judgments, if you find inner peace, you’ll see what you need to do..

Yeah..

It’s not just about us but it’s how our free will has been conditioned in us, So we need to get the toxic selfish energy out of our form for ourselves and the rest of us.. Dominant energy underlies dominant culture as it seems to me.. If culture is hard, feeling easier will be harder.. Right? As an assistance maintenance supervisor told me, “work smarter not harder”.. This may go against culture depending on the endeavor? But we may have to RESEARCH and QUESTION, In order for everything to feel easier, more peaceful, Whatever needs that need to be met we’ll hopefully be met..

If our work schedule doesn’t allow us enough time for adequately doing research, then maybe we’ll have to one day disobey in our own civil way if it becomes clear we’re not living as freely as we can be.. And question, How necessary is all this work we’re doing really? What are the effects on us and everybody, really? What are the causes and how do we heal to do it differently if need be? Seriously.. Why do we obey culture obsessively compulsively? What are we afraid of if we don’t? How reasonable and just are our fears? If it’s partially true, does that mean all of what we believe is true? Since we know something is wrong, do we know exactly what it is? Or are we just going to subscribe to some conspiracy like in some movie instead of address this rationally? Welp.. it’s easier to drown in beers.. but how can we make the most of ALL OUR YEARS..

ARE WE LIMITING OUR CAPABILITY!!?

SERIOUSLY..

I need to do more research and must not let reading comprehension challenges discourage me if I want to learn how to advocate for my needs daily.. But I may just be “speaking for myself”.. unfortunately..

If you want lower taxes just so you know most of it goes to the military.. watch Michael Moore’s Where to Invade Next documentary.. Yes no one is perfect but I trust some more than most..

I think it was 59.9 percent of the income tax? For those who care and appreciate medicare.. And who realize that it was feudalism that was the cause of Soviet communism, NOT DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISM,

But the name of a “system” means different things to different countries since “ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS”.. 

If my information is off I still hope you hear my words..

If I try to prove my spirit to the military but end up doing something like being trained to overthrow democracy for cheaper banana prices in Guatemala for the United Fruit Company and find out I’ll go bananas most probably.. I don’t know history.. I wasn’t there and will never make decisions for many others and can’t tell the intentions of those who are smarter.. But I don’t want to get fooled and feel like I will.. I don’t even remember where my dad heard that.. I think it was something about the CIA training terrorists for US big business self-interests.. One of those horrible incidents.. I think it was from Chomsky from a human rights organization?? Yeah there’s something I’m not understanding.. But I don’t trust most as I must not..

I’m trying to figure more out, the last thing I need is criticism, but I’m open to support, Maybe if political reading and researching was more cultural that’ll help..?

WELP!!!!

Here’s another film suggestion.. Manufacturing Consent: The Political Economy of the Mass Media on YouTube that’s based on the book.. If you haven’t seen it and want to learn you’ll do better than me at it

What do I think? Just don’t overthink.. It’s simple,

It’s clear who’s in control, It’s clear that we need to question legitimacy of control or “power”, We do it every day in other ways as we try to question or decisions,

Research and question, Research and question.. there’s no final destination, Protect yourself from all forms of manipulation, Even if you feel I’m saying this for attention, Well I do need money, But that’s not my intention,

Hopefully those in a culture of apathy will bring the importance of staying informed to their attention.. We may feel privileged now.. But this is only now

In this society, in this context, You don’t need to go deep to get ahead, You just have to get out of your head,

The comments will be open soon to those without WordPress.com accounts, Since I have learning disabilities I’m having help trying to figure this out,

It’s most probably easy, But since I’m so in my head, Paying attention externally isn’t easy,

And what makes it even harder is emotional “hypersensitivity”..  

So with so much internal intensity, What is easy isn’t easy for me, So those who think they know me might not be able to judge me as clearly..

I’m NOT “lazy”, “Stupid” may be more valid, But I’m “sensitive” and repeat that since my experiences are repetitive..

I don’t even pay attention internally and miss out during meditation, The awareness practices don’t come easy for my since being trapped in my head makes it harder to get ahead, For anything,

As for the commenting, Once I figure this out.. If I don’t reply, It’s because I haven’t figured it out.. The more I get out of my head,

The more I figure out how to not overthink, The more I pay attention, The clearer I’ll think, Since I’m paying attention instead of being distracted of what’s irrelevant in my head, I think?

I’ll never go away, It doesn’t matter how many bad days, You can interpret that in all sorts of ways,

I’m figuring it out, Always figuring something out.. Always something to find out,

Something I found out is if I’m in a country where they judge you on social skills, due to social struggles, I’m more likely to wind up in a special home, homeless, maimed, killed, or on a lot of pills.. 

If they think you lack skills they’ll give you pills..

If you struggle more to attain them, you’ll be lucky if you don’t wind up on them, I’m grateful for that privilege speaking for my present

My learning disabilities, high anxiety, low confidence and panic attacks hold the real ones back, I don’t catch on too fast causing others to not go as fast,

My name is Zach, I don’t have much to say, Just trying to make it through another day,

I want to have fun too, Hopefully there’s something I can do, It’s about us “autists” too,

Welp.. What can you do? All you can do.. You know that don’t you? Yes you do.

I hope we realize our capability for the benefit of everybody since good morals make the best reality, we can advance morally and technologically simultaneously, Progress is good so we need good morals to progress, since they’re called “good” morals clearly, I’m trying to understand importance more deeply,

Maybe this poem is garbage to you, I don’t think so, But what can we really do!!? For anything we’re presently passing through

If I want to be less mental and more emotional so I kill brain cells or no?Of course it’s balance but I don’t need to say that, I stay out of the loop since I always feel like an “asshat”,

I’m a sensitive guy, Who must not try to be fly, Which I feel is obvious why,

Is being sensitive, introspective and inquisitive a bad thing? Does everything have to be “black and white” and “right”?

I know it doesn’t, But that’s “mental,” I want to be good emotionally, Obviously..

Maybe this is too awkward? Or is some mainstream logic ASS BACKWARD!!!!!?

But yes it’s well known, “To each is own”

I was being tailgated in the left lane with no traffic in other lanes left and right, Staying sane in isolation has been a fight, I get triggered in response to looking at disrespectful gestures in the rearview mirror, I then lower the window and stick out the middle finger, Then the older couple follows me even harder, right after they return the finger WAY crazier,

Then my anger turns into sadness that resurfaces.. Such as past bullying experiences,

Then the man gives me a good ole tough love teaching as we slow and look at each other through the window, He points his finger at me continuously aggressively, His wife shames me painfully,

I didn’t hear him and the woman but his vile look is still with me vividly, It’s covid, They judged and hated me as expectedly..

It was good I let them go, I would’ve easily lost the fight,

Where’s the light ? Where’s the light ? All the possibilities of that incident fill me with fright, I don’t know if leaving my mom’s house will make me and others more alright..?

The two elders sped off.. I continued south then over the Cuomo bridge slowly in the right