I guess the less I say,
The greater the impact..(?),
For “better”,
“Worse”,
Or however the “same”,

Ohh I wish I caught on earlier in the game,

And well,
If the tone is NOT clear through the typed message(s),

If the person who sent the typed message(s) is a scumbag 95 percent of the time (out of 100..),
Then,
Even if it’s a rare moment of his/hers/theirs when they’re kind,
I just..,
Might respond in a way..,
That makes it additionally harder,
Making it through the day..,

Huhhhhhhh

And IF and whenever I forget,
Well..,
Will an AGGRESSIVE reminder fill me with the inner clearness to MORE clearly REMEMBER..!?

Welp,
I can only speak for what I see,

I hope I sufficiently clearly painted the picture

?

For example,

I’d say that,
Hypothetically speaking,

Sometimes stuff does NOT go “as planned”,

Sometimes,
when people have their children at a “fellowship” seeking “inner peaceful cultivation”,
and/or that other dude “just happens to be there”, Many people may instead feel great irritation and/or frustration..(?),

Hence,
Inner peace seems to me as a “working progress”

Welp,
If I understand correctly(?) from those affiliated with the industry..,
Or however I can word it “more properly”,

Since publishers I hear want to be “first to publish”,
And since anything I make open to the public may be regarded as “published”,
Including on this social platform..,
Welp..,
I guess I also..,
“Live and Learn”,
?

And here are some additional initially typed words of mine:

So..,

Even though I have so much to say,
I feel that:
The less words,
The greater their impact..,
And may it be a KIND and HELPFUL impact,

Hence,
I will now,
End this,

Regardless as for whoever empathetically “understands”,
Regardless of who feels I need “more” severe reprimands,

Okay,
The end

For example,
If people ask,
“Is he alright?”,
Are they truly concerned..(?),
Or are they looking to ostracize me out of sight..(?),

If someone asks,
“Is he alright?”
Is the person’s intention(s) to offer empathy..?
..,
To mutually gratifyingly emotionally deeply connect..(?),
Or is the person trying to make it clear how “annoying” and “weird” I “come across as”(?),

Huhhhhhhhh..,

I feel that this emotional intensity,
Makes it harder to proceed “slow and steady”,

And what just may “help others”,
I feel has had different effects on me..,
(Regardless if those others have been diagnosed with “autism” just “like me”..),
Yet (I’d guess..?) there will always be more and more advice,
Instruction and coaching..,
Just..,
Thrown at me,
UNsolicitedly,

And NOT like any fancy “saying” is going to instantly “change” everything..,
(Speaking based on what I feel to see presently),

And as for all these fancy worded “realizations”,
What, when and how,
Am I continuing to try continuing putting them into practice on a compatible path to help myself,
Including becoming more fully inner peacefully equipped to help others..(?),
Whether it’s through “writing” or whatever I feel most motivated and able to truly offer (for example)..(?),

Regardless I plan to continue trying..,

Huhhhhh..,

But I’d say I need to slow down,
And no quick-witted scumbag gotta sarcastically remind me..,
Or what is the best word to describe it..(?),
Welp..,
The highly socially aware scumbag may just know it..(?),

Inhale,
Exhale,

Huhhh..,
Well..,
May the words I struggle to piece together,
Help to point to something that’ll truly help me,
Beyond whatever any words may say “by themselves”,

May words point to infinitely more in a HELPFUL way..,

And I guess(?) that the LESS I use words,
The greater emotional impact value they just may have..,
For example,

And yes,
I know I’m continuing to struggle,

So as for anyone who has something I “need to hear”,
Where is it coming from..?
A place of anger and sarcasm..?
A place of kindness..?

Can I always trust where they claim it’s “coming from”,

Huhhhh..,
I often feel that,
The fewer the words,
The greater their impact..,
So..,
What is that impact!?

A place of intending mutual “inner healing”,
Or power seeking scolding..?

Okay..,
I’ll stop with the “overexplaining”,

Yet regardless,
Thanks for reading

Maybe regretting what and how I posted at the “wrong time” is a “sign of improvement” with being more aware of what and how I try to express..(?),

Yet maybe as for wherever I’ve felt to THEN be at,
Maybe it can ALSO be understood empathetically..(?),
Even if I could have done,
“Way better”,
Previously..(?),

Welp,
May the embarrassment,
Delusional paranoia,
And/or whatever it may just be..(?),

NOT stop me from trying to speak honestly

I feel that:

It’s felt hard,
Feeling that certain individuals who I may deeply want to understand,
Just will NOT,

It’s felt hard,
Not feeling like I’m allowed to be honest,
In order for my own safety,

Because yeah,
Some people who may bully me,
Are always a danger,

And even if they “understand” rationally,
Even if they may be highly articulate,
Even if they know how to dress and “make that money”,

Well,
It could still put my life on the line,
If I try to open up to them,
Honestly,

And honestly,
I struggle to communicate myself honestly,
And I struggle to let stuff go,
Nor prevent it from building within me,

Yes,
I feel I,
Just gotta NOT try to block out what I can NOT stop from internally building,
Hence by developing peaceful acceptance by witnessing my breathing including the intense thoughts and emotions that pass,
That just may (I hope),
Most likely,
Help me the most,

And as for NOT losing it,
And trying to communicate myself,
To someone with so much more power,
And who will NEVER,
NOR ever be open to empathetically understanding..,
Well,
As for whatever intense emotions that may become triggered or sparked within me,

May I,
Just,
Keep trying to peacefully witness them as they pass,
INSTEAD of losing a battle to them,
And,
INSTEAD of letting them unconsciously control me,
Which may narrow my survival awareness horrifically..(!?),

Hence,
May more inner clear peacefulness,
Broaden and clear,
My survival awareness,

And may it feel easier through a compatible practice,

Inhale,
Exhale,

Ahhhhhhhhhh

I feel that:

I just,
Must NOT keep showing more red flags in a game I’m destined to lose bad enough already,

I just,
Must NOT seek an apology from those who may confidently feel they “haven’t done shit to me”,

I just,
Happen to emotionally react intensely,
And more aggressive criticism does NOT help me sleep more soundly..,

And I just,
Really feel I must,
Find a way to use certain types of inner sensitivity,
In more ways that actually ethically serve me (among whoever else),
UNlike certain others I’ve encountered, UNfortunately,

I just,
Feel I must,
NOT open up to those with FAR more external power than me,
Who will never ever understand in a way that feels to help me feel better internally,

I just,
Feel I must,
Find a way to remain productive,
Among all the inevitable negativity..,

I feel I must,
Remember to notice my natural inhale and exhalations,
Among whichever other inner sensations,
Sufficiently consistently,

And well,
I just can NOT stop anyone from being nasty to me,
Which I also feel INCLUDES those “on the spectrum” the “same as me”..,

I just can NOT change how others,
Continue to judge me surfacely..,
Even if it’s similar to some evildoer from some movie,

May the toxic judgmental energy NOT blindly trigger me in ways that worsen how I feel stuff to often already feel presently..,

I just feel I can NOT stop others from giving constant UNasked for and UNhelpful advice,

I just can NOT force others to be honest and kind at the same time..,

I just..,
Feel I must,
Continue to try,
Just witnessing,
The energy,
Pass through me,
INSTEAD of wasting energy,
By trying to fight an inner current,
That may always pass through me..,

Huhhh..,

Welp..,
May practice help

?

Although I always preferred to feel LESS held back by worrying LESS about what others think,
Well,
It has NOT felt to often come easy,

I feel I still must be very careful with what I say and how I say it,

Since I may just receive another reaction that I will NOT react well to,

And well..,
I’d rather (at least try to) NOT increase division,

And well,
If I fail to communicate myself well,
Which just may result in others judging me as some part of “evil” political, spiritual and/or whatever the affiliation,
Causing me to return to my “safe space” in isolation,
With more memories of social connection just “not working out”,
Making it hard for me to once again,
Get out into the world which I feel to remain a socially inseparable part of..,

Hence,
I guess a large point I’m trying to communicate is..(?),
(Including for myself),
To remember,
To empathetically understand and get to know others deeper than whatever type of category we’re judged as a part of externally..,

Even if we’re a presently registered member of some “evil political party”,
Well..,
Is there more to know (beneath the surface) about our humanity..?
That getting to know,
Just may (also) help stuff politically..(?),

And just to additionally “throw it out there”..,
Even if as a fear-based disclaimer..(?),
Well..,
I do NOT view any major (nor I guess(?) whichever) political party as “perfect”..,
..,
And as always,
In whatever ways,
I feel that:
New experiences,
May fill me with new beliefs,
For better or worse,
Of course..,

And well..,
Yes,
I feel that:
We’re allowed to disagree,
And as for “making peace”,
Maybe many have “tried and tried” already..(?),
I just was NOT there either evidently..,
And who and what still remains hidden from me..(?),
Guess we all have what we believe and see as “reality”..(?),
And well..,
Not to “force my beliefs” either,
Yet even though I strongly believe in freedom of speech,
Well,
Given how I intensely react to emotional intensity others may blast at me,
..,
Well,
Expressing myself freely,
Feels to remain as a challenge constantly,

Yet even if more people,
As an overall result of me trying to share what I feel to see,
judge me similar to whichever “evildoers” from whichever movie..(?),
Well..,
At least I feel I will LESS likely regret,
Not trying,
To have others hear what I’m trying to say,
Instead of remaining in my quiet isolated comfort zone..,
While feeling forgotten and alone,

And to NOT forget,
I do feel to be reassured,
(For example),
That if I look deeply,
Or look wherever,
Eventually I may find and/or revisit others who feel me..,
Even if we’ve been told different “facts”,
And/or may “see it differently” politically..(?),

And well..,
For example,
I guess being (NOT sarcastically) yet empathetically told (from others) “I understand”,
Does NOT mean what I’m trying to say is always “right”,
Yet I feel it at least (more likely) helps me feel heard,
It more likely helps me feel at least somewhat relatable..(?),
And well..,
Even if those who understand me in some ways may still have come to strongly disagree with me in other ways(?),
At least feeling less alone,
And more kindly,
Honestly acknowledged,
Just may,
(As long as I (in some way) reciprocate it..),
Mutually help us through,
Another challenging day..(?),

And (even if) sometimes my thinking and posts may spiral inconsiderately..,
Even if (in this case) “too much information” happens to shatter my reputation in an additional online and/or wherever the location..(?),

Well..,
I just hope to keep trying,
At feeling this moment,
To feel more worth experiencing,
For now and of course in the long run..,
I just..,
Feel I must,
Continue on,
And well,
Even if whoever reads this,
In some way feels a need to tell and/or remind me that they feel I’m “full of shit”,
Or that they feel I,
“Spread nothing but lies”,
Well..,
At least I tried,

And well,
(For example),
I guess,
I must waste LESS time overthinking by myself in my head,
I must waste LESS time trying to feel “understood” in a YouTube comment thread,
And well..,
Become less provoked by toxic energy,
Which I just may be likely to continue to encounter and become painfully triggered by inevitably..,

Yet,
I guess(?) the more I inwardly peacefully accept what I can NOT change,
Including emotional intensity that however often or NOT may pass through me..(?),
Well..,
With proper practice,
Hopefully feeling more fulfilled,
Feels more and more of a longer lasting possibility..(?),

Hopefully I remain on a path,
That’ll actually more likely,
Feel to,
Truly,
Be of deeper service for someone such as the life form I find myself in presently,

And even if most (if not all) of that felt to make “no sense”,
Well,
As always,
Thanks for reading this

Not to waste energy by “comparing”,
Yet here’s something else I also felt like sharing,
Which is that:

When I try too hard,
The emotional intensity derails me,
Making it LESS likely on remaining clearly and peacefully focused on,
What’ll truly help me continue on,

When I think too hard,
I MORE likely become lost in my head,
INSTEAD,
Of truly moving ahead,

The LESS I chill the fuck out,
The FARTHER the emotional intensity throws me off track,

No wonder I often feel that several of those who appear to just “not give a fuck”,
Appear to be way FURTHER along with their career(s),

And NOT that I “know” how they’re really feeling inside,
NOR what’s “really going on”,
Yet (for example),
What I’d guess is that,
Since I feel they seem to be taking stuff LESS excessively serious,
They’re LESS internally weighed by inner emotional intensity NOR overthinking pressure to “do better”..(?),

Yup..,
I feel that..,
It’s continual struggles with balance..,
As always,

Inhale..,
Exhale…,

Ahhhhhhh

Even though I feel,
We must keep trying to keep “keeping it real”,
Well to be honest,
Sometimes when honesty is expressed aggressively and/or threateningly,
What sticks with me more than the “important message”,
Just happens to be the toxic forms of energy that may be surrounding the honesty..(?),

And I don’t even know if that was expressed helpfully clearly..(!?),

And well I guess sufficiently being kind while honest,
Or kind while “real”,
Remains seemingly impossible for many,
To be real..,
Unfortunately,

Even though it’s “not just about me”,
Even though I can NOT get people to “understand” in ways I feel to see,

Even though regardless of the clearness of my explanations..,
Others may always be determined to keep hating me..(?),

Just to throw it out there,
Feeling constantly dismissed,
Misunderstood and reprimanded,
Is NOT going to help me regain a more balanced sleep schedule,

Instead of seeing more clearly,
Maybe I’ll “have to” be prescribed more medication,
So I get LESS offended as frequently..,
..,
Because if I excessively FAIL to emotionally handle those I can NOT change NOR avoid..,
Well..,
If I can NOT sufficiently remain focused,
Someone else with more external power will just..,
Do it for me as they feel and/or claim to be “helping me”..,

And even if I appear as the “threat” that I’m truly NOT..,
Well..,
I understand others feeling a need to feel “safe instead of sorry”,
Hence I also feel we just must..,
Sustain at least some level of order and stability..,
Even if our imperfections just happen to be UNintentionally causing others to suffer severely..(?),
Shit..,
I guess most are doing their “best”,
Given their present awareness..,

To speak for myself,
Aggressive intense energy,
Is just NOT going to help me feel LESS intense internally,
It is NOT going to help me complete a task at work and/or wherever more “effectively”..,
It’ll just..,
Once again..,
Weigh within and/or however..,
Work against me..,

And even though I feel I just can NOT prevent others who I’m forced to be around from continuing to react to me in certain ways..,
As always..,
I just have to keep trying to make peace with it..,

I feel I..,
Just must (at least) try to continually practice..,
Allowing the toxic energy currents to continue to pass,
INSTEAD of fighting what I can NOT control..,

Several others may keep on insulting,
And instead of wasting energy by trying to stop what I canNOT avoid and canNOT stop..,
Well..,
I just gotta find more peace while taking it,
Since I can NOT get them to stop it..,
Since I can NOT magically provide them inner peacefully empathy..,

That just AIN’T THE REALITY that I see..,

And..,
Not to waste energy “blaming others”,
Nor especially to NOT let others’ confident beliefs ever again excessively hold me back..,

Well..,
As long as I remain peaceful,
Am I “NEVER allowed”,
To express jealousy,
To those who always seemed to be more likable,
More popular,
More successful..(?),

Yeah I know I’m only judging what I see “on the surface”,
Yet..,
Am I “never allowed” to express the pain I feel,
That I feel largely results from what I feel to constantly interpret on the surface..(!?),

Even if I’ll never attain level(s) of understanding from others that I may wish,
Even if popular culture will more likely favor the popular confident scumbags..,

Is it always a “crime” if I express..,
Even the slightest jealousy,

Well..,
Aside from NOT letting painful emotions derail me,
Aside from just finding more peace by letting them be as they inevitably continue to pass through me,

And if more posting to this platform may also NOT helpfully serve me..(?),
Well..,

Thanks as always for reading..,

And well..,

As for my right to ALSO express what I see,

I just feel I must keep going,
And NOT let others’ brilliantly and powerfully expressed opinions ever again stop me from being ME,

And not that it’s “all about me”,
Yet well..,
What is the impact I’m really having..(?),
And could be having..(?),
For myself among whoever else..,

And well..,
If I once again “fail”,
At least I will LESS likely regret “not trying”,

Hence I plan to keep going,

Even if what I constantly wish it would be,
Just never is,
NOR becomes the reality..,
Well..,
With practice,
I guess it’s still possible,
To discover and sustain,
More peace,
Deeply within me

?