Sometimes I feel adversity helps me,
Other times I feel like it damages me,
Sometimes I feel like I need to elaborate,
Other times I feel like it’s more OCD,
Sometimes I feel I have good friends,
Other times I feel my “friends” treat me exact ways that they do NOT want to be treated,
Sometimes I feel everything is “just fine”,
Other times I feel a need of a deeper,
More gratifying social/emotional connection,
Sometimes I feel most people treat me “just fine”,
Other times I feel that too often,
I just do NOT receive the kindness and respect that I give to others,
Which sometimes makes me question how worth it,
It really is,
To,
“Treat others how I want to be treated”,
Sometimes I feel I’m being taken seriously,
Other times I feel I’m dismissed and laughed at constantly,
Sometimes I feel certain people tell me what I “need to hear”,
Other times I feel that the last thing I need is hearing more insults,
Since my inner critic is frequently insulting me,
Sometimes I feel one’s criticism is “helping me”,
Other times I feel it’s increasing the likelihood of me developing debilitating emotional struggles,
And as always it’s sometimes both,
Or a whole lot of stuff,
Which would much better off be avoided for whichever complex reasons,
Sometimes I feel I clearly “see the big picture”,
Other times no,
Sometimes I feel it’s okay,
Other times no,
Sometimes I feel I need to chill out,
Other times I feel certain stuff needs to be more consciously addressed,
Sometimes I understand where people are coming from,
Other times I feel like their insatiable power seeking egos found an opportunity to kick me when I’m down so their egos can feel more and more “above”,
And of course,
Often times I feel it’s both..,
Sometimes I feel I must always avoid conflict,
Other times I feel I must treat others how they treat me,
And therefore I feel if one person busts my balls I must bust theirs in return equally,
Another part of me feels that’s an “eye for an eye” which “makes the world blind” (source: paraphrasing and/or quoting Gandhi) yet another part feels that if it’s not that big of a deal I don’t need to be morally perfect..,
I don’t know…(?),
Sometimes I feel I should not have said certain stuff,
Other times I feel I was enjoying myself in the moment,
And that I must “not care what others think”,
Sometimes I believe something is a certain way,
Other times I’m more aware it’s my own frame of reference,
Or is it projection..?
Or is always trying to find the perfect descriptive word OCD..?
..,
Sometimes I do and/or say stuff that makes me feel embarrassed,
Other times I feel it was inevitable,
Sometimes I let others talk shit,
Other times I’ll do just about anything to not put up with it,
..,
Sometimes..,
I just don’t fucking want to keep taking it,
Sometimes I try to not make others mad,
Other times I try setting fair and reasonable boundaries,
Sometimes I try to have everyone like me (such as those with direct power over me),
Other times I try to advocate for my basic human rights,
Sometimes I let it slide,
Other times I want to make it clear that it just was NOT right,
Sometimes I don’t take shit from anyone,
Other times I feel it’s NOT worth getting into a fight,
Sometimes I worry constantly,
Other times I’ll explode so damn easily,
Sometimes I feel I’m too honest,
Other times I feel..,
It just needs to be more real..,
Sometimes I give people the benefit of the doubt in response to what they do and say,
Other times the ignorance just blows me the fuck away,
Sometimes what I wrote will make me cringe,
Other times I feel what I was hoping would be felt,
And that I should “care less about what others think”,
Sometimes I feel like I “should do this and that”,
Other times (as a friend said) I feel I should not “should all over myself”,
Including saying I “should not ‘should all over myself’” (I would also add),
Sometimes I feel I get too easily offended,
Other times I feel we need to consider more of how we try to get a laugh..,
..,
And well,
Sometimes I feel I’m being too emotionally reactive,
And others times I feel more stuff should never be said in any context(s) even if the context is “meant to be a joke”..,
Sometimes I feel expressing my beliefs are valid,
Other times I feel expressing myself painfully escalates the situation,
(And often times I feel both to be true),
Sometimes I try to have everyone like me,
Other times I try keeping it real,
And if I said that already,
Well..,
I think it’s worth repeating,
Sometimes (if not often) other people treat me how people treat them,
Other times I’m around people who I feel have developed good inner peaceful self-control a dysfunctional world needs,
In order to become more peaceful,
Sometimes I feel I need to let more stuff go,
Other times I feel I need to take a look at stuff that’s happened,
And find out if it’s inwardly negatively affecting me,
Sometimes I feel I overthink,
Other times I feel I need to think more clearly,
(And other times (or in other words) I feel I need to think less and more clearly when needed..),
Sometimes I just don’t know,
Other times it’s just no different,
Sometimes my OCD makes me feel an urge to include in words what is obvious (Such as how this might be another wave of me posting to this blog),
Other times,
I try to remain balanced as the waves pass,
Sometimes I think what I wrote is good,
Other times I think it’s ass
Zach Dana Writing 