When voting today,
An old woman said to me,
“You don’t look 18”,
Then I said,
“I’m 27”,
Then she said,
“You’re kidding”,
And I think it was because (as of today (August 23rd, 2022)) I don’t presently have a beard and she just didn’t really look at my appearance clearly but ANYWAY..,

I ask myself,
Was that a compliment?
Or must I be offended..?

And well,
I’ll give her the (as they say) “benefit of the doubt”,
Because..,
Why let something like that derail me..?
..,
Why must that be the “straw that breaks my back”?
Of course I must not let something as minor as that have me fly off an inner peaceful track..,

And yes,
There’s definitely lots of moments,
Unlike this,
When the person did TRY to offend me,
Yet I just did not write about because,
Yes I get too busy,
And there’s just been too many,
To list sufficiently clearly,

And of course,
As I talked about in my post,
“Nothing to do with me”,
I must have the strength to keep going,
Since I will (most likely) keep encountering those,
Who deliberately try to offend me,

So I’d say this was just another example,
And/or opportunity,
To take stuff,
LESS personally,
And continue cultivating,
Peaceful energy,

Hence,
Regardless of what the old woman’s intent actually was,
Of course,
I must stay focused,
On NOT having my surroundings,
Such as how others may treat me,
Totally determine how I feel internally,

I must NOT define myself by how others treat me,
I must NOT have my energy be the energy of others,
I must not have my inner energy dangerously exacerbated by others,
..,
And..,
Instead of conforming and/or giving them complete (as they say) “power over me”,
Well,
Other’s energy,
Does NOT need to affect my energy,

And yes,
I feel that this is way easier “said than done”,
Yet I still believe that finding and sustaining peace within,
Can still be done,
Regardless of my surroundings and energy of others,

Step by step,
I can take stuff,
Less personally,
And therefore,
Develop,
And/or,
Strengthen,
Peace in me,

Similar to what my friend told me,
People say and do stuff to others,
That I would just NOT say NOR do to them,
..,
And well,
Regardless of the old woman essentially saying I look (about at least) 10 years younger than I am now at 27,
(Since the voting age is 18 and I looked “too young” (hence 17)),
Well..,
I tried not taking it personally,
I tried to (yet struggled to) keep developing that LESS destructive LESS easily offended awareness,
And well,
I’d definitely say,
That more of that inner peacefulness,
Will tremendously help stuff politically,

?

Yet of course,
As for the energy that influences law and/or ANY decision making,
Including the dominant energy that sustains human coexisting..,
Ohh,
We will see,

?

And of course,
INSTEAD of trying to get LESS offended by suppressing awareness,
Well,
I can EXPAND and/or develop within me,
Inner peaceful powerful awareness,
That’ll give me the awareness,
To NOT make damaging judgments of those who,
To whatever degree,
May deliberately mistreat me,

For example,
I can realize there’s ALSO a deeper essence to them,
That’s DEEPER,
Than their unconscious,
Sadistic energy,

And realizing there’s more goodness,
And/or peaceful true beingness underneath unconsciousness,
May help me,
Feel more strengthening inner peace and positivity

?

To emphasize what I feel as in my post “More worth Trying”,
In addition to additionally sharing whatever I feel I’m feeling,
Well..,
I feel that:

Even if me pursuing writing is a “waste”,
Even if everything I write is “wrong”,
Well,
At least I tried to do something that I found,
For myself as,
Most truly profound,
Most meaningful,

At least I tried to make my existence,
In the present manifestation I’m in,
To be most worthwhile,
Most worth experiencing,
..,
Or at least more than plenty other types of experiencing..(?),

Like the Socrates quote,
To paraphrase a part of it..(?),
At least I tried to “examine my life”,

(Source: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” (Quotefancy) https://quotefancy.com/quote/763/Socrates-The-unexamined-life-is-not-worth-living)

Sure..,
For example,
Juggling (as a big hobby of mine) being a unique skill set,
It..,
Just may give my ego clearer “validation”,
..,
And,
Writing may be harder to appreciate and understand..?
Yet,
I feel for me,
Writing is more meaningful,
..,
I feel it’s,
Deeper,

So even if my ego does not get the “validation” it insatiably looks for,
(Which of course it never finds since it is insatiable anyway..(in my belief)),
(Source: Eckhart Tolle, “The Many Faces of Ego” (2021) https://youtu.be/6StRwsSBubw)
..,
At least I tried,
And well,
At least I’m trying,
To live a life,
(Speaking for myself),
That I presently view,
To be,
More,
Worth,
Experiencing,

?

Why just “go through the motions” and not take a deeper look at anything?
Why just miss out on so much,
Of what there possibly is to appreciate?
..,
And of course (I feel) I do NOT need to be writing all the time,
Nor ever to deeply/inwardly appreciate,
Yet,
As for hobbies or whatever..,
Well..,
I feel that me choosing writing,
For me (evidently),
Is just,
So,
Much better

?

This negativity is killing me,
Same with the criticism others give me,
They just,
Make it worse for me,

Sometimes (if not often) I feel that..,
Every day..,
I wake up feeling bad,
And I just keep feeling bad and discouraged,

I tell myself to remain strong,
And the inner peace does NOT last for long,

Yet,
I must never forget,
To keep going,
And if I get “nowhere”,
At least I may someday find a more satisfying and longer lasting feeling(?),
Right here,
Or wherever,

?

I’ll keep doing what I feel I must,
..,
If the mainstream never helps me..,
I’ll ALSO keep watching out for worse and/or horrifically toxic alternatives,

I’ll never give up,
At finding at least some positivity,
Within me

I often feel:

I’ll feel bad,
Then the help that’s offered to me,
Makes stuff..,
Just..,
Either bad in a different way,
Or worse in every way,

Hence,
As for what’s often considered “better” alternatives,
I also feel I must,
Stay safe from,

Yes..,
Somewhere,
There’s people I can trust,
Yet,
I must NOT believe everything I’m told,
And others may NOT know what’s best for me,
Even if they’re old,

So yeah,
However young,
Old,
Middle age or any age,
I need to watch out,
For so many,
For reasons such as,
The dominant,
Insatiable,
Toxic,
Insecure,
Sadistic,
Unconscious mentality,

And (I feel) just because people may do stuff differently(?),
Does NOT mean they have better energy,

Of course some are far more dangerous than others,
Yet I just must beware,
Of just,
So many others

Even though I’m vulnerable and insignificant,
Well,
Maybe I still have some stuff worth sharing?
Maybe I did alright with what I was posting?

Just saying..,

That even though,
Compared to everything,
I’m so small,
Insignificant,
Powerless..,

Yet well,
Maybe..,
Just maybe..,
What I had to say,
May be at least somewhat helpful,
Someday,
If it wasn’t already in some way

?

Even if,
Others do NOT give me the kindness I give them,

Even if,
Others “joke” in ways that hurt me,

Even if,
Others talk shit,
And I’m unable to make a come back,

Even if,
I’m so polite,
And others just stay mean,

I feel I can still,
Find peace,
By letting go of tense resisting,
And allowing for further and further accepting,
Of what I can NOT change,
Of what I can NOT avoid,
Such as their meanness in response to my kindness,

So even if,
They just keep being mean to me,
Well,
I can still seek peace within me

I feel,
I must tell this to myself and others,
That due to that we may not express ourselves,
Nor word stuff just “perfectly”,
Nor sufficiently clearly,
I feel many of us seriously NEED to take stuff less personally,
So we do NOT create more toxic energy,

Even if ever (for example) someone does say something that’s clearly NASTY,
Well,
Instead of getting dangerously lost in and dangerously reacting to their energy,
I can remind myself to detach from the energy (by practicing peacefully non-reacting),
And therefore,
Remain in alignment with a deeper truth in my belief,
Of,
Acknowledging (for example) that they just happened to develop like that for whatever reason (such as their environment affecting their consciousness or unconsciousness for making ongoing developmental decisions..),
?
Or of course more simply,
I can remind myself of the type of energy,
That I want to do my best NOT feeding,
While therefore remaining,
Peaceful,

And that most of the time,
The energy they emanate is what they’re feeling inside,
And has nothing to do with me,
Even if their unconsciousness wants to blame me,

I’ll just try not to get lost,
In the energy,
That I can NOT avoid,
That I can NOT change,
That I can NOT stop in them,

I’ll try to NOT add inner tension by desperately trying to change the toxic energy they just happen to,
Emanate,
At me,

I’ll remind myself,
To remain true to myself,
As an inner peaceful warrior,
To the best,
Of my present,
Ability,

Hence,
I’ll keep doing my best,
At taking stuff,
LESS personally

Yes,
I try to respect and NOT hurtfully judge the decisions of others,
Yet as for me,
And what I view will make my life experience(s) most worthwhile,
..,
And even if I fail at it completely(?),
Well..,
I feel I must at least try to write,
To try to create something more truthful,
More meaningful,
Even if my ego prefers I stick to something more crowd pleasing like juggling,

And well,
Even if what I write is all “wrong”,
Even if what I write is just a pointless waste,
Well,
At least I tried to do,
What I truly viewed,
As more meaningful,
More gratifying,
More worthwhile,

At least I tried to do,
What makes my present life,
Feel,
More deeply,
More meaningfully,
Worth experiencing,

So for me,
And regardless of what the decisions of others just might be(?),
Well..,
As for a lot,
I just feel,
For me,
Writing,
Is just,
More,
Worth trying

If I like what I wrote,
Expressed or whatever,
Well,
As for any others who don’t like what I wrote,
Well..,
I can appreciate,
What I see as true to me,

I don’t need to “agree” with their viewpoints that make zero sense to me,
And well,
I often fail at conforming out of alignment with what’s true to me,

I feel I’m bad at conforming to,
Just..,
What’s NOT true to me..,

And since I live in this world,
Since of course it’s NOT just about me,
Well..,
Remaining sufficiently adjusted,
Has not often felt easy,

It hasn’t felt easy fitting in easier and easier,
With a condition that makes stuff harder and harder,
And yes this I repeated and repeated..,

Yes..,
Dealing with people among other stuff,
Has just felt too painful,
Too often,

Yet as for what I see as true,
And regardless of how many others try to hurt,
And/or shut me down with their ego’s point(s) of view,
Well,
I’ll just,
As always,
Try to keep sufficiently sticking with,
What I view,
As true,

Even if what they do and say happens to painfully stick with me,
Well,
I’ll just keep trying to clear the toxic energy,
Attain and sustain LESS inner weight,
And MORE peacefulness,
To have more inner energy and power,

For whatever,
And however,
I decide to,
Stick with

Huhh..,
I just get sick of feeling stuck in less confident,
Less alert,
More socially anxious places..,
..,
Or I just get sick of being stuck in,
Whatever less developed stages,
For (seemingly) longer,
Than most others,

I just must accept I may be in my mom’s house,
Or wherever I’m at,
For however longer,
And well..,
That inner resistance of the moment,
Just fills me with tension,
It just,
Does NOT help me do what I must to feel better,
It does not help me function better,
..,

Due to many bad experiences,
Rejections,
Having autism among any number of bad experiences,
I tend to avoid people,
Because I feel,
They’ll just end up getting sick of me,
They’ll just end up no longer wanting to spend time with me,

And I’ve struggled to be with myself,
There’s a lot that I see that just happens to be in me,
That I do NOT like NOR expect others to like about myself,

Hence,
If I can’t tolerate something about myself,
I don’t expect others to tolerate it either,

Yet,
(I feel),
May we NOT forget,
That we’re not perfect,
Including,
There’s certain stuff we can’t always change nor avoid,
So,
In addition to trying to make it work better and better,
Why not try to develop that peaceful acceptance of what we can’t presently change?
Why add more inner tense resistance that LIMITS what we’re able to be with?

More tolerance,
And more acceptance,
I feel will of course help me internally,
It’ll help me feel more at peace,
It’ll help me feel more positive,
It’ll help me more likely feel happy more often(?),
And since my ongoing healing/improving energy,
Such as deeper positivity,
May emanate externally(?),
Well,
Hopefully,
Just hopefully,
More others who I wish to be around socially,
May just happen to have an easier time,
Positively,
Sticking with me?

I just must,
Remember,
To keep developing that likable,
Peaceful energy,
Within me,
That’ll hopefully increasingly,
Grow within,
And surround,
Whoever and whatever I’m around,
Externally

?