I feel,
In addition to regular sleep,
In addition to proper wellness balance,
Well,
I need positive social connection,
So I MORE likely connect with others,
Sufficiently,
On the same page,
And feel therefore LESS painfully isolated in my head,

And well,
(Just like the “snowball effect” metaphor),
The more I’m in isolation,
The LESS of any social connection..,
Yet..,
Or I guess(?),
The LESS POSITIVE social connection I therefore have,
The MORE likely I therefore may spiral into delusion,
That MORE likely repels others and causes even more rejection,
More isolation..,
Increasing the possibility of me,
Sinking even deeper,
Into dangerous delusion..,
..,

In addition,
To all I posted about negativity,
I’ll add that I feel that..,
In addition to NEEDING to connect with others,
Well,
To further avoid dark mental energy hell,
I feel,
I need social interaction,
To be positive..,
And in a world seemingly dominated by egos pointing out negativity in others to feel a sense of “superiority”(?),
Well..,
Positive social interaction,
Just has NOT felt to come easy,

And I’ll further add that I feel that:

Of course,
To feel better or more “secure” about themselves etc, etc,,
The egos of others will just point out negative qualities of me such as that,
I haven’t landed a career..,
I’m not doing what I could be “excelling at”,
Yet,
NOT positively acknowledging,
All the writing I did,

They’ll point out negatives..,
While NOT acknowledging,
That I’m a kind person..,
..,
While NOT acknowledging,
How hard I worked,
How FAR I came,
With my label,
Among all I carried with me internally,
Among all I been through,

They’ll say,
“You gotta start somewhere”,
Without regarding how far I came,

They’ll say,
“We all started somewhere”,
WITHOUT regarding,
Where I started,
And how far I came,
Such as with writing,
Including making it THROUGH,
What I have often wrote about,

So how about(?),
Instead of just criticizing the way they feel I “need to be criticized”,
How about,
Also,
Or mostly saying something positive??

How about developing energy,
With LESS inner and therefore,
LESS external negativity?

Don’t they realize(?),
Feeling real positivity,
May not only help me feel and function better,
Yet,
Will (more likely) help them as well!!?

Why not work on energy(?),
That’ll help working together,
Interacting,
And however being together and civilly depending on each other,
Feel,
Reasonably easier,
And easier,
?

Of course I’d guess(?),
If we really knew how to sufficiently do it,
We would do it,
So..,
I’d say we truly do NOT prefer feeling worse than necessary(?),

And well..,
I just can’t control the reality,
Yet,
As I feel I made repeatedly clear,
I can heal the inner roots of my negativity,
I can find fulfilling peace in me,
No matter the negativity that surrounds me,

And of course as for being positively (and/or) inner peacefully successful,
I feel..,
There’s no guarantee,
Yet,
I just thought I’d POSITIVELY acknowledge,
What I presently see,
As a greater and greater,
Possibility

?

I feel,
I’ll be more likely at peace,
I’ll heal less inner painful resistance,
If I develop acceptance,
Of all I have ZERO control over,
Amidst a dominant,
Emotionally distant,
Heavily instilled,
Locked down and in control,
Culture,

I must refrain from destructive vengeance,
I’ll never win in essence,

I feel:
Yes,
Forgiveness may just be a step by step process that some may progress at far faster than others(?),
Yet,
The more I take steps in a forgiving direction,
The more it just may be a helpful addition,
To inner peaceful healing cultivation..?

I’ll try to keep staying safe from dangerous mountains,
From vast landscapes and geographical natural/human (or any form(s) of intelligence) created and perpetuating toxic traditions of post traumatic cultural ignorance,

I may try to do what I can and what’s safe with trustworthy like-minded individuals,
if and only if,
I ever find and remain accepted by the community,
Yet,
I feel,
It’s in my best safety interests to NOT forget,
For my own developing peace,
I must accept I’m completely powerless,

If while trying to climb up a mountain of snow..,
I’ll try to remember the best I learned,
I’ll try the best I presently know,
Of how to stay as safe as possible,
From getting killed,
By an avalanche of toxic traditional culture that may try to torture me for me being me,
I’ll try to spot where they have those nets of rocks and tree logs that they’re ready to cut free from the posts and nets that hold them back for whenever they feel “attacked”,
Or whatever it could be that sadistically positions them (logs, rocks, or whatever) for any innocent harmless “outsiders” who are unwelcome.. and/or “unchosen” like them (as in whatever excessive fearful hateful exclusive group)..(?),
So yes,
As I proceed up a mountain I’m forced to move up due to rising sea levels (just to add to the figurative narrative effect.. I guess.. (?)),
I’ll try to spot where the gunmen are stationed,
As well as the snow..,
And yeah,
I’ll try to spot wherever it’s dangerous to go..,

And well..,
As I proceed to climb up any mountain,
I must remember my immensely minute unnoticeable powerless insignificance,
I must not try to conquer,
The dangerous forces of humans and their collective powerful unconscious nature,
Because if I proceed in an unaware and foolish way..,
Well,
I just may get additional torture(?),

And as for another metaphor..,
Or whatever figures of speech,
I’ll go on to say I feel that:

I’ll just try to keep sufficiently NOT reacting and merely witness those bad memories,
Without getting sucked into a current of toxic vengeance,
Without fighting a current that’ll EFFORTLESSLY drain me of energy,
..,
And if I dare go a little deeper in those memories for writing material,
Well I must remind myself prior,
If I go deeper in the water,
I just may MORE LIKELY drown in certain memories,
And/or,
Any forces of nature which I remain UNAWARE of..,
And well..,
If the water gets too high,
If I can no longer stand..,
I must NOT swim against the current,
Hence,
If I try to stop the current of toxic ignorance,
If I try to change what I can NOT change,
I’m only going to drown,
..,
So I must accept my powerlessness,
I must accept my..,
present neurodivergent vulnerability,
And insignificance..,
Hence I must..,
Peacefully relax and..,
Swim to the side,
And stay safe from any dark forces and their 5 year (or longer) contracts that’ll force me into the (or their) horrific ignorant current(s)..,
That’ll make it impossible for me to swim to the side..,
And as for these figures of speech..,
Maybe they’ll prevent me from swimming to the side by strengthening or sustaining their supernatural (or however stronger than me) undertow?
Yet only they and their dark secrets would know..?
Yet I must sustain,
Awareness..,
For how to avoid this..,

I feel:

That yes,
Even though there’s always something else important to be discovered and deeply understood,
Well..,
I feel that myself,
Among many others,
Have lots of ignorance,
Such as there’s lots I do NOT know about them,
And of course,
There’s LOTS that I feel many others,
Misunderstand,
And/or..,
Fail to understand,
About me,

Including all the dysfunction I see and internally struggle to become at peace with,
Whether it’s about me,
Or the way anything external is,
To any micro and/or macro degree,

There’s lots I struggle to let go of,
Lots I struggle to avoid,
Lots I carry with me,
Lots of pain,
That remains within and excessively inhibits me,
Including..,
A lot I wish others would see and empathize with,
Such as how this,
Hardass culture,
This (even low key) militaristic style of discipline did not “build me up”,
Yet in fact,
Messed me up,
..,
Huhh..,
It did not awaken me,
It traumatized me,
..,
Yet (as my friend said),
I’d say it just may most likely be most practical to continually take more viable steps to increasingly, “forgive”,
Any of those,
“For their ignorance”,
..,
In order to help me have inner peace,
Through forgiveness,
Instead of being further held back,
Instead of falling LESS and LESS off track,
By anger,
Hurt,
Or whatever bad feelings,
That resulted,
And/or got exacerbated,
Because of what their ignorance caused them to feel a need to do to me,
..,
Even though their ignorance damaged instead of clearly taught me,
To feel better presently,
I feel I must remember to cultivate the inner peaceful forgiving energy,
And I must remind myself,
Since their ignorance,
Just may not regard steps toward inner healing peacefulness..,
?

So yes,
Even if I can NOT avoid them and their unquestionable actions,
And stone cold lack of remorse,
Of course,
I must,
Stay on track and not be held back,
Nor lose balance and (yes..) fall off track..,
..,
And I must stay on track,
Even if that just leads to more inner peace,
In this,
Or any moment that I can NOT instantly change nor avoid..,

Ohhh..,
May I stay safe from any toxic deadly void..,

And regardless of what may “work for others” that happens to damage me,
Well..,
As for a belief of mine..,
I just wish that more could see,
That if we had less inner pain,
And more peace,
That it just may help increase(?),
Any ability of ours,
(No matter what abilities of ours remain presently),
..,
Hence I would say,
Inner peace can help any of us,
No matter where we are with any ability,
And/or capability,

?

And if many cruelly dismiss what I shared here(?),
Well,
I feel I must (as my friend once told me (essentially))..,
“Forgive them of their ignorance”,
For reasons such as I feel that,
Well,
We’re just all differently affected,
By different,
Life,
Experiences,

See as for what we see,
Do and continue,
Well,
I just presently feel..,
There are differences,

And why let their ignorance,
Fill me with more tension and/or negativity?
Why let their views of reality bother me?
Well,
The more I accept that I can NOT change them,
That I can NOT instantly “cure” them of what I view as brutal and destructive ignorance,
The more I may MORE likely accept that I do NOT have any control on what they see as truth,
Including what them and their “truth” happens to do to me..,
Well..,
The MORE I accept,
The LESS inner painful resistance and/or negativity I may carry with me(?),
The LESS inner pain I just may exacerbate in any present unavoidable hell they may just do to me,
In “the name of their ‘deity’”..,
And/or whatever ignorant authority,
And yes..,
As I tried to clearly emphasize in my post “The Difference I See”,
I will (therefore) try to increasingly,
Turn to deeper,
Spiritual,
Peaceful,
Life energy..,

Ohh..,
Ohhhhh..,
Ohhhhhhhhh may I just accept what I can NOT avoid NOR control in any present inevitable reality..,

Hence,
Whether they ask for it or not..,
I’ll try to therefore,
Forgive them,
Of their ignorance,
Which,
Hopefully(?) additionally helps,
With needed,
Inner,
Peacefulness,

Huhhh..,
May I attain,
May I sustain,
More needed,
More awakened,
Persistence

(Okay so to make it obsessively “clear”, I’m saying “can ‘NOT’” instead of “can’t” once again as much as I can..),

Whatever..,

And of course,

Therefore I feel:

If I can NOT find the words,
That I need to help express any toxic energy off and out of my chest,
Well,
I’m going to need to remind myself,
To keep doing my best,
At clearing the bad energy I’m carrying,

Yes,
I can NOT write everything down,
Nor do I have time,
To remember and write everything that comes to mind,
Nor is it always appropriate,
And it may cost me my job if my boss’s insecure ego fires me for briefly writing (something I fear I’ll forget) on my phone (such as in a Google document) even ONCE..?

So yeah,
I do NOT have time to write everything,
As for words,
Phrases,
That pass through me,
..,

Well..,
I can still come back to my inner body,
I feel I can,
Peacefully accept without depending on,
Nor creating some external entity,
(Such as a “need” to write “‘everything’ important”),

I can instead,
Witness my breath,
Witness tension reducing in my inner body,
I can witness,
The thoughts and/or all my inner sensations passing,
While sustaining focus on what I need to be doing,

(Source: Eckhart Tolle mentions the “inner body” in his book “The Power of Now” (1997) such as on page 125..),

And even if I never ever again remember exactly what I wanted to express previously,
Well,
A clearer and deeper expression,
May just,
Eventually come to me?

Yet I feel my foundational awareness development,
Starts,
Inwardly,

And hopefully,
It helpfully,
Comes,
Clearer and clearer,
Deeper and deeper,
For me,
More and more,
Frequently,

Whether in words for writing,
Or whatever it may,
Just,
Presently,
Need to be

I feel that MANY people focus on my negative qualities,
NOT to help me,
Yet to just criticize me,
In order for their egos to try to feel a sense of “superiority”,
By adding to my appearance of inferiority,
Through illuminating even the slightest negative quality(s) they spot in me,
In addition to making me appear LESS confident,
MORE anxious and inferior,
Through their ego’s continual critical intimidating energy,
Or however it is their egos keep insatiably increasing a feeling of dominance over me(?),

I’d guess(?),
Since (or if) egos are negativity in the first place,
They’ll just gravitate to more negativity,
?

Since negativity may catch attention(?),
If focusing on what is “negative” gives egos more attention?
I’d guess the ego will just seek MORE negative attention?
(And I hope that didn’t cause increasing confusion..(?)),

Egos..,
May criticize me(?),
Without having anything helpful to teach me,
Leaving me with just MORE,
Internally limiting,
Ability impinging,
Negativity..,
Such as feelings of more shame,
More inferiority,

They’ll criticize me,
Have nothing helpful to offer me,
Then (largely as a result),
I’ll feel even more shut down,
I’ll feel even more inferior,
Essentially,

If the dominant cultural energy,
Is that of the ego(?),
Well..,
I guess I live in a world surrounded by worsening negativity?
Yet..,
If I properly develop REAL positivity..,
Well..,
As for anyone who feels too weighed down by their ego’s increasing inner painful negative energy..,
Well..,
Hopefully they’ll gravitate to more of my real positive energy..(?),

Yet I feel unconscious negative energy often dominates me,
Yet..,
If I’m successful at developing more real positive energy that has a deeper social attraction force,
Well..,
Of course,
Others dominated by their negative egos may unconsciously gravitate to more negativity and/or FAKE positivity..(?),

And well,
As for any of those who consciously admit to themselves that they’ll immensely benefit from more positivity,
Well..,
Whether it’s me or whoever,
Maybe,
Just maybe..(?),
Emanating real positivity,
Will attract more,
REAL,
Positivity ?

(Source: Eckhart Tolle: https://youtu.be/j91ST2gtR44)

So I apologize if I’m preaching too much,
Yet,
I feel a need to share,
Something I wish others would hear,
And that is,
I presently feel:

The difference,
I see,
Between “God”,
And a “Deity”,

And well,
If I have no one on my side,
I’ll turn to God to protect me,
And I’ll (hopefully) feel peacefully protected from some egotistic deity,
That wishes to brutally punish me,
For not submitting to their ego,
Precisely,

Dare I say..,
I believe,
A deity,
Even if it happened to create me(?),
Is just another manifestation out of interconnected God/life energy,
The same as how I manifest..,

And even though a deity may have “created” my present manifestation,
Well,
The deity itself may just have manifested,
Out of life energy,
Which is who and what I consider God,
Presently,

?

Yet did a life energy manifestation create me in their image?
I just..,
Do NOT presently know?
Yet regardless..,
I still wish for more inner and external,
Peacefulness..,

And well,
If the path I’m “supposed to follow”,
Does NOT end up helping me,
The way it initially claimed it would “help me”,

Well..,

I’ll (hopefully) turn to the good energy within me,
To learn lessons of life and death,
That my culture,
Authority figures,
Coaches,
Preachers,
PEERS,
Among any other types of social/developmental influences,
Role-models and teachers,
FAILED,
To teach me,

Yes,
I intend to use these terms,
BROADLY,

I’ll turn to God,
And therefore,
NOT any number,
Of,
Evil deities,

I’ll turn to a force of energy,
That’s always there,
To heal me,

I’ll turn to a force of energy,
That’s always there for me,
That awakens and rehabilitates me,
Instead of one that seeks to “justify” more pain and torture of me,

I’ll turn to God,
Even if and when ever being oppressed by a deity..,
And any other sentient beings,
Authority,
Or whatever the dark,
damaging,
painful forces there may just be?

And (as for this context) even if I’m not following the rules of terms,
Definitions and language,
?

Well,
May we have the freedom to change language for the better,
May we develop language to further REDUCE ways in which we damagingly,
Pointlessly suffer,

And if other egos say I’m “misusing” words,
Language,
Or whatever they say and do to me due to whatever..,
Well,
If I remember,
I’ll turn to the deeper life force,
Which I believe we all manifest as a part of,

If I remember,
I’ll turn to the energy,
That is there to help me,

If I remember,
I’ll turn to the energy that’s there for me,
That’ll help me spot it,
That’ll help me detect it,
That’ll help me do what I must to PREVENT what is toxic,
From becoming more toxic,

If I remember,
I’ll do what I remember I discovered,
Which is how to,
Properly,
Safely,
Heal the deepest causes of the bad toxic energy that may become additionally exacerbated within me largely due to how I react to whichever external entities..(?),

I must respond consciously,
So I don’t exacerbate my inner pain that largely results from how others may dominate me(?),
I must practice responding properly,
To stay safe,
To become stronger,
To manifest in this present life form,
Longer,

So yes,
Heaven and/or Hell,
Wherever I am emotionally,
Figuratively,
Or LITERALLY,
I must be aware internally,
So I do NOT add additional pain within me,

I feel,
I must resist less,
I must accept more,
In order,
To become more at peace,
With whatever brutal orders,
Or..,
Possibly torture(!?),
That they force me to horrifically endure,

Not to get political,
Yet more as a hypothetical..,
Yet to be REAL..,
If any crusaders,
JIHADISTS,
Blood-thirsty collectively exclusive ZIONISTS,
TELEVANGELISTS,
Corporate conquistadors,
Gangsters,
Soldiers who do NOT question their orders,

They may try to dismiss my freedom of speech by calling me a “racist”,
By calling me “anti-semetic”,
“Islamaphobic”,
“Anti-American”,
Ohh and they may say,
That he’s “POSSESSED”..,
?

Ohh they just may..(?),
Especially if I dare challenge their way,
If I hold them accountable for what they do and say..,
As for torturing me,
Ohh they just may..,

DARE I SAY,

??

And of course some may just be like,
“He has too much time on his hands”,
Yet aside from my struggles with work,
Including those I work FOR and WITH,
Well..,
Posts like these,
I feel to be WORK that’s ALSO,
Worth developing,

Or whoever it may be who wishes to harm me due to not complying with the TRUTH they see..,
Of their deity,
Or whatever they see that works for them yet does NOT sufficiently speak TRUE to me..,

Huhh..,
If THEY..,
Want to come torture me,
Due to me being me,
Well,
I’ll turn to God,
I’ll turn to the energy that I manifest from,
I’ll turn to my freedom within,
Instead of joining in,
With a toxic system that claims to be the “truth”,

If they want to torture me,
For not sticking to THEIR “truth”,
Well,
I’ll stick to my truth,
Of finding peace within,
Whether I’m ever in a brutal prison,
“Mental health” institution,
The wilderness..,
..,
Wherever I’m at,
I’ll try to develop,
At least some,
Inner peacefulness,

And well..,
I’ll try not to have my system of personal beliefs become corrupt,
I’ll try,
To,
Stay true to my truth,
And allow others to follow their own way,
Yet,
If and only if,
Any of them want to harm me for how I presently innocently see my true beliefs,
Well,
Then I’ll try to..,
As always,
Turn to the inner peaceful warrior in me,

I’ll try to keep a healing,
Empowering awoken spirit within me,
Regardless of however entities in my surroundings may be controlling me(?),
Regardless of what just happens,
To be happening to me..(?),
I’ll try to turn,
To developing,
Peace,
In me,

I can,
And feel I must,
Turn to the deeper essence,
That’ll help alleviate whichever pain I need alleviated,
In any,
Presence,

And of course,
I hope to sustain,
Peaceful persistence,
Of course,
In addition to increasing the peace I therefore, Experience,

I just need to turn to God,
I just need to turn to that inner healing energy,
Especially,
If they want to horrifically torture and however oppress me,
Due to the difference(s),
I see,

Wherever and whatever that may be happening to me that I can NOT presently avoid,
Externally,
I’ll still try,
To find,
At least some peace,
In me,

I’ll try to turn,
To an inner,
Deeper,
Life force,
That is always,
There for me,

That has always been,
That always remains,
A part,
Of me

Well..,
Just because I feel peacefully self-medicated,
Does NOT mean I’m consciously aware,

So I must be AWARE,
Of how I must practice,
To be,
Truly,
Deeply,
MORE aware,

Although I only had one “Bud Light Seltzer” now,
I’d say now is an opportunity,
To express honestly,
That I’m coming to see,
That awareness,
While under (at least some) self-medicated influence,
Is just not as deep,
Not as clear,
Nor profound,

As being,
Completely,
Naturally,
Consciously aware,

I would say this I MUST remember

A lot of my life has already passed me by,
And I’ve posted about plenty of reasons I see why,

Well,
When have I not been passing by?
Now..,
I’m just passing by as a sentient “autistic”,
Anxious “neurodivergent”,
Physical manifestation,

I would NOT wish my life on anyone,
And..,
I hope we compassionately identify the causes of evil,
I hope we make it better for ourselves and everyone..,
And maybe what I just said did not connect well?

WELL,

I hope for more peace,
Less mean judgment,
Less hell,

Sometimes the isolation,
(As I feel to have made repeatedly clear..),
Causes me to seek inner peace in ways harmful for me in the future,

I’ll block out the pain I’m experiencing now,
For additional pain later..,
And I still wish I didn’t have to worry,
About being in the ER someday while like..,
“Oh I should have never chosen to drink!!”
..,
Or..,
“I should have never taken that medication!!”
Or..,
“I should have stuck with meditation!!”
Yet,
Will I think back to the causes?
In that particular type of moment?

Will I have compassion for myself?
To alleviate the inner criticism tension?
That may just be additionally exacerbating my condition..?

And even though a lot of life may continue to pass me by(?),
Even though I may never experience,
So much of what I could have experienced..,

?

Well,
Just peacefully witnessing,
The passing,
May help me,
Further develop the inner peace I need,
To more likely make the decisions,
That’ll more deeply serve me,
That’ll make it MORE likely,
That I’ll experience more,
Of whatever I prefer,

?

And of course,
I feel no matter what I do,
There’s always a degree of uncertainty,
And of course,
I’ll therefore,
Try to develop,
Try to find,
More inner peace in addition to settling my mind..,

And yes..,
I’ll just,
Try to,
Essentially,
More peacefully,
Continue,

Passing by

Well,
If I revise something while unconscious,
That I initially wrote while conscious,
I just may..,
Make what I wrote,
WORSE,
When revising,

For example,
I may have initially been straight to the point,
Then I’ll start over-explaining,
Then I’ll give too many examples,
I may even get too aggressively political and judgmental(?),
Then I’ll cause more and more confusion,
And just may,
Have regrets..(?),
Hence I’ll then realize my insecure ego took over,
And crafted what was NEVER in alignment,
With my deeper,
True intent,

Hence,
Developing a piece of writing,
I feel,
Takes more,
Than just,
Re-reading..,

Hence,
I need to revise,
With CLEAR awareness,
In order to stay alert,
To spot what I need to change..,
Etc,
Etc,

So like anything,
I’d say it comes down to,
As always,
That clear,
Inner peaceful power,
That’ll help me do better and better,
Such as with,
However and whatever I’m doing,
And of course,
Experiencing,

So as for crafting a piece of writing,
Including anything,
Well,
I feel I must do,
What I view,
As ethical,
As rational,
As peaceful,
As true

I feel I must,
Get better at socially connecting,
In a healthy way,
Without harmful medication..,
Okay here’s what I additionally have to say:

If I don’t catch the conversation wave,
I won’t be brought to a shore of deeper social connection,
And if I miss too many,
If I don’t know how to catch a wave,
To become socially on the same wavelength..,
I may be left stranded out at sea on my surfboard..,
Or whatever is the best figure of speech..(??),

Or..,

A wave of irritation and insults may topple me over,
Others may act mean,
To try to get a power trip,
To try to make me hate them so I don’t want to be around them and/or so they’ll get a sense of power over me..(??),
And as for these figures of speech,
They may start to splash after I said “stop”,
They may try to push me over,
They may try to keep me under the water..,

And therefore I’ll try to conform by surfing with them..,
Okay I won’t use this metaphor anymore just for this stanza..,
Essentially (I feel)..,
Sometimes conforming is worse than isolation..,
Of course I prefer neither..,
And well,
It depends on the type of conforming and isolation..,
Yet well..,
Yes,
I’ll conform out of a fear of isolation,
Yet end up finding myself in an equally bad (if not worse) situation,
And the alternatives may be just as bad..,
If not worse..(?),

So yeah,
(As for the surfing figures of speech),
I’ll be out at sea,
Trying to surf to participate socially..,
And they’ll be drowning me..,
Or just making it no better,
If not worse for me..,

They won’t let me come to the surface,
And when I try to join them on their surface level ways,
They’ll exclude and shut me down in whichever other ways..,

Yep..,
Even when I find a way to somewhat balance myself,
Other insecure egos might sense an imbalance,
So they may try to push me over,
So they can feel a high sense of power?
Such as by feeling as..,
As in this figurative context..,
The “better” surfer..(?),

I’m not even sure if I painted a clear enough picture..(?),
Yet as for most of them,
Learning comes easier,
They’ll see the big picture instantly clearer,

And many may use it to their advantage..(?),
Instead of giving be a hand they’ll try to push me down,
They’ll try to make me drown,
Because the developed ego culture still surrounds..,
And suits them so much better..,
And as for me they’re like “whatever”..,

And even if some egos miss an opportunity,
To use my struggles against me,
Another wave will come,
To topple me,

I’ll never catch a wave,
And they’ll be like,
“You gotta do it like this”,
And they’ll take off on the wavelength with their friends..,
And those who may try to teach me,
May end up getting sick of me,
After all the criticism they give me,

Even they may tell me “how”,
Yet they will NOT address WHY I’m struggling the way I am,
So they still won’t teach me,
What I needed to learn,
Such as how to relax,
Balance,
And go with it initially,

And well,
I may keep on failing,
And drowning in memories of failures and criticism..?
And get sucked into whirlpools of overthinking and discouragement..,
Such as always getting too anxious,
And therefore engaging in damaging self-limiting behavior due to thinking I’ll “always be too anxious”,
Or I’ll always be “too much” of whatever for being able to do whatever..,

Yet instead,
Of getting to stuck in my head,
Well,
I can dive deep,
And find the inner strength in me,
And emerge as king of the ocean,

INSTEAD of just giving up in submission,

Damn right,
F*ck all them who want to hold me back,
I just feel I must remember,
The inner warrior,
May always,

Come back

I’d guess,
I can only remain balanced,
For so long,

Going through the bullshit,
Struggling in necessary transitions,
..,
Trying to turn the inspiring adrenaline,
Into melatonin,

Trying to transition,
From day time inspiration,
Into sleep..,

And once I become more and more sleep deprived,
I’ll become more and more emotionally imbalanced,

And well,
I just will lose balance,
I’ll lose my ability to keep going,
And death will be approaching,

It’s just,
Going to happen,
There’s always a transition